Words... don't come easy to me.

When it comes to matters of the heart, I must admit I'm no expert. I made the cardinal mistake of telling a friend 'I understand how you feel', once. I don't think she ever forgave me for that. And sadly, our friendship fizzled thereafter... So whenever someone comes to me with their hearts on their sleeves, I always empathise but I can't say in all honesty, 'I know how you feel'.

I guess we can only begin to IMAGINE how someone else feels?

Yet, do we need others to really understand what we're going through, or does a listening ear suffice?

Only recently, I was rendered speechless when a v dear friend shared her innermost feelings with me. The topic in question was not something I hadn't heard before. But even though I had heard her mention this a few times in the years we've known each other, whenever I hear it again, I still feel that same singeing feeling. Not that I'm stung by her words, but more so I feel a pain skewer through my own heart?

And if I feel like that, what more she? But then again, I can't possibly understand how she feels...and I say this with no hint of sarcasm or bitterness.

So the stab to my heart must surely be empathy?

Feelings, or emotions, are funny... how would you term them, 'things', 'senses'? Without them, you're labelled a cold fish. Too much, and you're a basketcase.

But I digress...

My 'speechlessness' was in response to her revelation, 'it'll always be one of (her) life's greatest regrets... not being able to be with the guy (she) love(s) most'.

What do you say to a friend who tells you that but whom you know has married someone 'good' for her? I have no clues.

Then I ask myself: Is it simply a romantic notion to marry the man you love most?

Or is it better to marry someone who loves you more than you love him, and for the most part, is better for you?

I sometimes wonder what Life would've been like had I not married Dee. Would I, like my friend, ponder over the 'what ifs', the 'what could've been', or ask the poignant question - 'Why?. Would I think of Dee as 'the one who got away' and be jolted to memories him whenever I hear certain songs, watch certain movies, or walk up a familiar street?

Only when I think such thoughts, do I then believe I can feel but a modicum of the anguish she goes through...

Every time she shares with me, I never fail to remind her that her husband is 'a much better catch', 'is good for her', 'is responsible', 'is a provider'. I want to apologise to her for saying all these, actually. Not because I don't mean them, or that they are not true. I apologise because I'm sure she already knows all these things, and that's why she chose to marry him. She doesn't need convincing. She is convinced. Yet all these do not elude the fact that she feels trapped in an unpassionate marriage.

And there you have it. The root of the problem.

Her hubby is Mr Coldfish.

The times when she reverts to the 'good ol' days of The Ex' is when she fails to feel passion in the marriage or when her hubby does things that unwittingly 'quell' that passion.

With him, her heart does not go bopitty-bop, her heart doesn't race, she doesn't feel excitement when she sees him everyday. A far cry from how her Ex made her feel.

Her husband's passive take on marriage makes them easy prey to a mundane, routinous married life. Something she doesn't want for them. And rightly so.

Perhaps her husband feels that passion and romance are 'poppycock'. Certainly a marriage can be devoid of these and still work? Perhaps his family background never allowed him to be emotional - to laugh and be merry, or cry when it hurt. Perhaps he's had to hide behind a steely exterior for so long that he no longer knows how to come out from under it? These are all speculation on my part, of course. For again, I do not know how he feels.

But what I know is this - being emotional comes with a price. You become vulnerable, sensitive, exposed. Emotions can be a sign of weakness and I can fully empathise why some people steer clear away from them.

But there's also a flip side. Emotions let you know you're ALIVE and bring with them a whole torrent of feelings - ecstasy, depression, agitation, excitement, morosity...while not all emotions are 'feel-good' kinds, the ability to feel, I feel, is one of life's gifts.

Right now, all I can say to this v dear friend is God allows things to happen for a reason. For all his bigotry, her hubby is still a good man. Perhaps God placed her in his life to teach him to love - to love her (in the way she deserves to be loved), to love others, but most of all, to love God. Her marriage has certainly brought her closer to God and perhaps in His time, God will reveal to her that He has provided the man that He knew would be the 'man she loved most in her life'.

I love you girl. And I know God will reveal His plans for you and your husband soon.