A Bolt from the Blue

I recognise (and more evidently, since coming here) that we should, in ALL situations 'let God be God'. Sounds simple enough huh? As Geri would say, 'let our Daddy take over'.

But today, when faced head-on with one such situation, I wasn't quite as prepared as I thought I would be, to even meet God half-way...?

Scampered out of the house this morning to meet Beth and Scarlett at the nearby 'Nightingale Cafe'. It was our 2nd outing with them and was feeling altogether rather pleased that I'd had 2 'mummy dates' in a week! Woo hoo! *pat on back*

As usual, before any meet-up, I would pray - asking God for guidance, asking Him to bless the time, and for me to be myself (paramount importance!!!). Everything was going according to my plan, but as I was happily sipping my regular brew, Beth 'dropped the bomb' on me - they were relocating to HK by the end of the year! As she gushed about how exciting this was going to be for her family, I sat there, momentarily stunned. Tried to keep a huge smile on my face coz I knew this was a great opportunity for them. But in all honesty, I was dumbfounded. I know, I know... I haven't even known them for that long. Why get so affected?

But I am. I am coz anything or anybody I get into contact with here affects my life, and more so, my life with Danielle. I'm a stickler for 'routine' and 'familiarity' so just as I thought things were finally going my way, am dealt with this 'blow'. One less playmate for Danielle, and of the same age!!!! Arrrrgh...why God, Why?

On my walk home after, I had a chance to think things over.Thank God for walks, I always end up with a better state of mind and a clearer perspective!

I thought to myself, as much as it is that God can bless us with something, He can also withdraw it, because that (the withdrawal), falls into His plan. God doesn't take things away from us to be cruel or unkind. Instead He does so, becoz in His bigger scheme of things, He has better plans for us.

With this in mind, I thank You, God. I thank you even though 'normalcy' (something I crave!) is sometimes taken out of my life. Please teach me to accept Your will when things don't go my way. So even though Beth & Scarlett will leave us soon, I thank you that You placed them in our lives even if for a brief moment.

A 'Dear God' Letter...

Dear God,
Thank You for today. We had the best time with Silke and her son, Nelson. Thank You for sending me 'a friend' even though I was unsure I needed one. Today, while walking to Silke's house, You heard my prayer didn't You, God? I asked You to teach me not to have expectations. I asked You to bind the nervousness & unconfidence within me. And just be myself.

God, You made my day really beautiful. Talking to Silke, and watching her enjoy Danielle... it felt so familiar and comforting. It was as though I'd known her for longer, not out on our first walk together. Her warmth reminded me so much of people back home, people whom I miss & share so much of Danielle's and my life with. Thank You for sending me someone who seems genuinely interested to know me, someone who is so taken by Danielle. I could not ask for better...

God, You are an Awesome God. And although I'm so unworthy, I thank You for still blessing me. But most of all, I thank You for blessing me with a daughter like Danielle, whose cherubic face lights up ever-so readily, whose cheeky antics draw smiles in an unsmiling world, whose unguarded friendliness opens doors for mummy. Thank You God, for Danielle Faith Chan... my little girl who caught Silke's eyes.

Amen.

(All) the Things She Says...

Since my blog doubles up as a diary, what better way to record some of Danielle's vocabulary milestones than to post them here!

More words/sentences she's been stringing together:

• 'All done!'
• 'Mummy, mummy, help please?'
• 'It's Danielle's'
• 'Help!' (says this repeatedly when she wants attention)
  
• 'Beefeater, I bought you' (Me: ???)
• 'Auntie Mabel buy sweet' (holding up tube of sweets Mabes did buy for her)
  
• 'Sheep everywhere!' (when her sheep jigsaw puzzle gets all messed up)
• 'Smile!' (holds up toy/real camera)
• 'Go out please?'
• 'Open door please?'
  
• 'Danielle hide'
  
• 'Some more please'
• 'Bye mummy, see you later!' (and pretends to go towards the shoe rack to 'put on her shoes')
• 'From my heart' (Dunno where this came from???)
• 'I love it!'
• 'So cute'
• 'Walkie talkie'
• 'Moped'
• 'Capsicum'
  
• 'Finished, empty'
• 'Oh no, it's a mess!'
• 'Hello Huckle!' (character from Richard Scarry's, 'Busy Town')
• 'Christmas'
• 'Yoo hoo! I see you!' (learnt from a library book we borrowed)
  
• 'Cup of tea' (Skiver A will be well-pleased!)
• 'Give it back!' (To baby Nelson for chewing on her Magna-Doodle!)

Songs she sings quite well:

• Old McDonald had a Farm
• Baa Baa Black Sheep
  
• 2 Little Dickie birds
• Twinkle Twinkle
• Wind the Bobbin up
• How did Moses cross the Red Sea
  

Actually, her 'please' comes out more like 'pweeze' but it's ok... at least she got the usage right! I could've missed out on some others, but for now, looking at this list, I can't help but be amazed... Kids are human sponges, aren't they?

PROOF OF USE!

To dearest B
Used my ENORMOUS grocery bag yesterday! It's super duper! It sure can contain helluva lots of things! Especially Danielle's library books and groceries! Thanks for my All-in-One 'cha pa lung' bag! Muuaacks!

Saggs

Mabes in London (Day numero tres)

Finally, I get down to writing my last instalment on Mabes' visit. I must confess I was putting it off coz was still suffering from the 'repercussions' of her leaving. :( I know... issues! *roll eyes at self*

Our last day with Mabes started early. Since we had to go to church (service at 930am), Mabes made it a point to get up earlier for her jog. I told her we'd probably still end up late for church coz from experience, the Chans always seem to dawdle a lot? And as expected, we were. Late. Think we left home at 915am?!!

It was an 'all sessions' service at All Souls that Sunday. That meant everyone - from babies to geriatrics- would attend the same service. No creche, no Sunday School, no Youth Fellowship. The sermon was good, covering the book of Ruth. The tagline for the sermon was, 'It looks like a mess, but God will surely bless!' Amen to that! Mabes thought the sermon was applicable to all the girls...

After service, Mabel suggested we visit one of her fav suburbs while living in the UK - Hampstead. She said there are loads of cafes and nice boutiques (read: expensive) and we could have a delightful brunch before heading to Winnie/Poh's at East Finchley.

Thoughts on Hampstead:
Definitely a breeding ground for yuppies, young families, well-heeled and the like. Not so much Posh Spice but perhaps, Jaime Oliver types? Pretty sidewalks, cafes, fashion boutiques, women in shades driving swanky SUVs, men dressed in designer togs... and quite dishy too, some of 'em! Drool... :P

Mabes reckons if you want 'Quintessential English', head to Hampstead. Pour moi, what I liked best were the 'children-friendly' cafes/restaurants. C'est genial*!

(*Ok, I don't why I keep breaking into French. Prob surrounded by too many of them on a daily basis? But that's another story...)

Back to Mabes. She wanted to bring us to 'Giraffe', a safari- inspired cafe (hence name? No, am just kiddin') but the queue was soooo long, we had no choice but to head elsewhere. Down the road was Carluccio's (remember day out with Toon Ling?), and after deliberating on a wood-oven pizza place or there, we decided on the former. Good choice too, coz Danielle was able to amuse herself with crayons and leave us to eat in peace for a bit! But she spilled orange juice all over herself later and exasperated (at least I was!), we hopped into Baby Gap (read: wallet horror!) to buy her a new top! :( Spent 'good' money (12 pounds!!! *faint*) on first-hand Gap t-shirts! What a waste! Couldn't sight thrift shops in the vicinity or else...

After Hampstead, we hopped into a cab to East Finchley to visit Winnie & Poh. East Finchley is north of London and a very family-oriented suburb. Anyway, we decided on a cab becoz certain services on the Northern line (Tube) were terminated to make way for weekend 'upgrading'. Plus, Mabes didn't know how to get there by bus... so next hassle-free option - the London cab, again! We only spent about an hour at Winnie/Poh's though. Mabes had a flight to catch and needed to be back at Clapham by 4ish. So after chit-chatting abit, getting acquainted with their beautiful 9mth old, Joshua, & gorgeous feline, Forest*, we headed home.

By that time was feeling 'butterflies' in my stomach knowing that Mabes would be leaving me soon... And before I knew it, I was saying goodbye to her at the Victoria station... :(

It was so good to have a close friend visit. I can't quite describe the feeling? But her leaving made me miss Singapore all over again.

* I miss my Bambi!

Mabes in London (Day numero dos)

Chan Household, London (Day 2)
Woke up at around 8ish am. After washing up, Mabes handed a very excited Danielle more gifts from her & Auntie Bessy. Ohhh... a pink princess cushion from B! Yellow bedroom slippers (shaped like 'clogs') from Mabes! And a belated bday present from both of them - Alphabets from the Leapfrog series! Geez girls, so many new toys for the lil' one... thanks!

At 9ish, we went downstairs to show Mabes her jogging route at Clapham Common (yes, that girl is SUPER disciplined!) and whilst she jogged,we popped into TESCO's to buy fruits, juice & for Dee, vino! He was glad to have a 'wine kaki'(finally?) for the weekend! To 'commemorate the occasion', he got a nice bottle for them to savour slowly later. Mabes says she now realises how convenient our place is! The Tube's a mere stone's throw away, 3 different supermarkets round the corner, & best of all... a convenient jogging location for when she next visits! Heehee.

Lunch was arranged at 12ish. We were to meet Mabes' MIL, Vanessa (aka 'V', her SIL) and Reuben. The initial plan was to 'yum cha' at Leicester Square, Chinatown. But Mabes' MIL told us at the last min she had to wait for the carpet guy to do up V's room at the new apt. To minimise logistics, we decided to go to them at Camden Town instead. Quickly sms-ed Reuben to apologise on the change in plans but thankfully, he was v obliging... :)

Personally, I was more than happy to visit a new suburb. Had not been to Camden Town but heard from Toon Ling that it was an interesting, yet bordering on offbeat kind of place? Was excited to see it for myself!

Camden Town - Viet lunch, a visit to V's new apt & shopping @Camden Market
We got to Camden Town (North-ish of London) at 1220 thereabouts. Reuben brought along Grace, Donovan's younger sister, who is here on a 2-week break (lucky girl!). Proceeded to a Vietnamese restaurant recommended by Auntie just round the corner (Superbowl Vietnamese, I think??). We feasted on fried/cold Viet spring rolls, viet lamb 'wraps' (??? similar to Peking Duck, only bits of lamb wrapped in wafer-thin paper rolls and served with a dollop of Hoi Sin sauce), and of course, soupy Pho! Shiok! Mabes and I also treated ourselves to ice-cold, sweet Vietnamese milk coffee! Yummy! I thought the food standard wasn't too bad but Dee (the self-declared 'noodle connoisseur'?? hehe) reckoned the Pho could've been been more cooked. Whatever... :P

After lunch, we parted ways with Reuben & Grace as Mabes wanted to catch up with her MIL at V's place (her MIL didn't join us for lunch due to carpet man). So we headed to V's whilst Grace and Reuben went on to explore Camden Market. Later, Reuben told us he likened Camden Mkt to 'Bangkok'. Much too rowdy and messy for him! But for Mabes & me, it was a 'Bargain-Hunting Mecca'! We had soooo much fun weaving in and out of stalls and picking stuff up along the way. Haven't done this much shopping in the 2-odd months I've been here, as I did that day! But most stuff not for me, so lucky 'some-of-yous'!!!!

Side-tracking abit here. Remember Toon Ling described Camden Town as offbeat (see above para)? She's absolutely RIGHT! Camden Town is a suburb with an eclectic 'collection' of be-studded punk rockers with mohawks (I kid you not!), heavily tattoo-ed leather-clad bikers & eeri gothic folk! Ok, I know all this sounds a little 'hair raising' but they're harmless (I think?). I guess you could assimilate Camden Town with Harajuku in Japan? Wanted to take photos of the 'characters' but decided against it in case they put a 'hex' on me! Gulp. :P

V's place is about a 10 min walk from the Tube and when we arrived, the carpet guy was just finishing so we decided to mill around downstairs & wait for him to complete the job. This place is going to be V's Uni pad. She's sharing it with 2 other mates and it's supposed to be pretty close to her school. I'm glad Mabes arranged for all of us to meet again (last time was 4 years ago at Mabes' wedding!). V's supposed to be Danielle's 'nanny' whenever Dee & I need some 'alone time'! :) We stayed at her's for about an hour then Mabes and I proceeded to Camden Market for some shopping. That was my 'time-off' from Danielle. Dee graciously suggested it so that I'd have time to catch up with Mabes alone and do girly things! Was v grateful for the time away... :) After shopping, Mabes and I sat down for a quick drink at a pub in Camden Lock. Ran out of batteries in my camera by that time so didn't manage to take any pix ... :(

Clapham Common - Dinner at Cafe Wanda (Polish restaurant)& drinks @ Chans'
We tried making a reservation for Carmen de Tapas at Clapham Common South Side but they were fully booked. Undeterred, Mabes called to ask if we were to walk in, would we have better luck with tables? They said Yes, so at around 730pm, we trudged to Clapham Common to get us a table. Dee brought Danielle from home and we were to meet Reuben at Clapham Common station. When we arrived at the restaurant though, found it to be pretty 'child-unfriendly' and packed so we decided to walk around and find something else. Pity about the tapas tho', never tried before. Another time, I'm sure. :)

Mabes feet were killing her (all that walking in heels! I dunno how this girl does it!) so we quickly decided on a Polish restaurant down the road called, Cafe Wanda. Never tried Polish food so we thought, what the heck. The menu looked more German than Polish to me. Perhaps Polish food is pretty similar to German? We decided to share our mains so Reuben had beef stragonoff, Dee had pork knuckles, I had Polish mixed dumplings and Mabes had pork goulash. Once again, didn't have my camera to snap pix of the food or can show all... darn. I thought the food was great (I'm easy to please I think!) though my dish was a little too starchy. Imagine dumplings filled with mushroom, cheese, potatoes - Carbo overload!

After dinner, we took a London cab back to our place coz the bus was taking too long and Mabes was getting rather tired. Woaah, my first ride in a London cab! Was thrilled with the experience though Dee and Reuben said there are even more 'tak kong' cabs with remote controls and TV screens!

Back at the Chan abode, we tucked in to more food! Mabes bought desserts from Cafe Wanda so along with the nice wine Dee had bought earlier, we had ourselves quite a feast. Danielle seemed thrilled to have yet another playmate and kept dragging Reuben to play with her! She can even say his name pretty well! Heehee... But after awhile, she started fussing (probably pooped from the long day) so I put her to bed whilst the rest chit-chatted. Pity I couldn't join in the conversation. Heard 'hot' topics being debated such as serving in Christian Ministry (Dee was/is a total cynic!), sex trade and then some... All in all, I think everyone had a sated, satisfied night! I hope?

* One last update tomorrow! So much for condensing Mabes' visit! I've written waaay to much! So cheong hay! Tsk tsk!
** B, Danielle sleeps with the pink cushion now... :)

Mabes in London (Day numero uno)

Okay, will TRY to condense what transpired during Mabes' visit as much as possible. Considering she was in London over 1 weekend only,it was AMAZING how we managed to cramp SOOO many activities over 2 days!!

Gatwick A/P (Fri, 22 Sept): Day 1(actually Night 1)
6:30pm: Danielle and I left home to take the Tube from Clapham South to London Bridge station, then hopped onto a 'surface rail' train, the First Capital Connect, non-stop to Gatwick, North Terminal. The whole trip (door-to-door) took us all of 1 hour! And I 'survived' Danielle throughout the journey, sans buggy even! Woo hoo! :)

But Mabes sms-ed to say her flight's delayed by 15 min. Bugger.

8pm: In between waiting, Danielle and I amused ourselves by praticising holding out the Welcome sign I'd made for her, and 'challenging' each other at Daytona in the A/P's mini game arcade. No coins of course! Danielle had problems holding the sign in the right direction and ended up flashing it at people WAITING for passengers to arrive instead! Alamak... She flashed it at drivers waiting to pick their clients up, she flashed it at different groups of families, she flashed it at A/P staff... It was a hoot to watch and thank goodness everyone was tickled by her. Kekeke!

Finally, Mabes arrived around 850pm and thankfully this time, Danielle had her Welcome sign up and facing the RIGHT direction! Phew!

Mabes was starving and 'knackered', so thankfully I had gotten her bed (Danielle's actually) ready and had a chicken herbal soup simmering on 'Low' in the crockpot at home. Arrived back at our place around 10pm and after settling all her luggage down (most of the stuff was for us actually, pai say!), we sat down for our first meal together followed by present opening ceremony! Yippee! Really like the grocery bag you bought, B. It's so handy! I'm sure the TESCO staff will give me 'green' points for not using their plastic bags! And thanks for the many, many books you got Danielle (Eng/Chinese)! Have started reading some to her already . Mabes also got us pineapple tarts from Bengawan Solo (clever girl!), stroopwaffles from Amsterdam, and a belated bday present - a pretty pair of shoes for me!

Dee came home at around 10ish (shocking, I know. He had to catch up with work after his trip to Bournemouth, see) and the 3 of us then sat down for more chickie soup. Chit-chatted till about 1am... then it was off to bed for the super 'knackered' girl!

* Was soooo thrilled to receive 2 copies of the latest '8 Days'. One from B and the other from Mabes. Read them till 2ish am! Super deprived! Oh man...

'Twas good to have you this weekend, Mabes... I miss you already.

As the saying goes, 'all good things come to an end'. But in my case, all too soon. I had a hard time saying 'adieu' to a v dear friend this evening...

Sent Mabes off at the Victoria station at around 5ish pm. Didn't expect to feel such a surge of emotions really. Felt a HUGE 'lump in my throat' as she gave me a final hug. And I teared (what's new?) as I struggled to verbalise my goodbyes to her. :(

Waited for her to walk up her train (the 'Gatwick Express') before turning away, and returning to my 'humdrum' life...

But I'm really glad she got to visit us. We spent the MOST WONDERFUL weekend with her... :)

*More updates to follow. Quite sleepy now and will try to write as much as I can...*yawn*

Hear ye! Hear ye! Auntie 'Bubble' is coming to town!

Yes, Mabes (aka Auntie Bubble) will be with us TONIGHT! She flies to London from Amsterdam and will be here over the weekend. Danielle and I will be taking a train to Gatwick A/P to welcome her later. Think the train ride will take just over an hour (I hope!) *fingers crossed*

But first, check out the signage I made for Danielle to hold out at the Arrival Hall. Notice the 'bubble' details on the background? *ahem-ahem* Applause please... Thank you v much! Kekeke...

Sure am looking fwd to her coming over. I'm sure we'll have loads to catch up on...

Raising a child, Raising a Parent...

Felt like the World's Worst Mum tonight.

Had just come back from a library reading session with Danielle (she made her first children's library card! Hooray!) and grocery shopping at TESCO. Was feeling rather fatigued (prob brought on by that 'monthly thing') and out of sorts. Really needed to just chill out and do my own things. So I plonked myself infront of the comp (bad, bad idea!) and starting reading my emails, going through my Kodak Gallery etc.

Before long (and not surprisingly), Danielle started fussing for attention and tried as I might to get her to sit down & look at some of her newly-borrowed library books, she bored easily since no one was reading them to her. Then I tried to get her to do her fav jigsaw puzzles. Not much success there either. She insisted that 'mummy' sit next to her and watch her complete them (and she can, all by herself, I might add!)... Every time I turned towards the computer screen, she would grab my hand from the mouse, and plead with me to play with her.

But I simply didn't feel like it? And I started getting rather annoyed - couldn't I just have 1/2 hour of peace? Just this time?

The last straw came when she hurled herself under the computer table and started howling! But blinded by my own selfish desires, all I heard were GRATING noises that were distracting me from my 'more important' emails and viewing my Kodak albums??!

Infuriated, I shouted at her to 'stop disturbing me!', flung her on her bed, covered her head with her duvet (to shut her up) and if that wasn't bad enough, threw her little stool on the bedroom floor!

After the 'drama' passed, what lay infront of me was a broken little girl - crumpled under her duvet, crying inconsolably & struggling to catch a breath between sobs (she is still flu-ey)...

Remember the movie 'You've Got Mail'? There's a scene where Tom Hanks' character, Joe Fox, forewarns Meg Ryan's, Kathleen Kelly, "... when you finally have the pleasure of saying the thing you mean to say at the moment you mean to say it, remorse inevitably follows."

That's what I felt. Remorse. I had let my daughter witness her Mum at her worst and ugliest. And I couldn't take it back...

And all she wanted was for me to play with her becoz Mummy was the only playmate she had? But how did I returned her affections? By being mean and cruel .

You know how you read 'Mother's Day' write-ups in magazines, and they do those interviews where they ask kids why they love their mummies? I alway endear to the ones where the kids say:

'Mum never once hit or raised her voice at me.'
'Mum would always choose to explain things and reason with me.'
'Mum was always patient.'

When I read such comments, I always aspire to be that one such Mum. A mum whom Danielle can look up to, feel safe with. A mum whom she can go to at any time because she knows I'll always be there for her, where her needs come first.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not about to 'spare the rod, and spoil the child'. Discipline is integral to a child's growing years as it teaches them limitations and in some cases, right from wrong.

But senseless shouting/screaming, hurling of furniture (or anything for that matter!), on the other hand, is uncalled for. Especially when the kid did nothing wrong but seek attention. Attention which her mum should have rightfully given her.

How selfish and reckless I was. I am.

Maybe some of you will say to me, 'to err is human', 'you're not perfect, Saggs', 'it's not easy being a 24/7 mum'. But I should've remembered by own Mum's words before I acted. She said, 'it's better to err on the side of kindness (or was it goodness?)'. And what she meant was, when it comes to disciplining a child, it's better to be kind, than be cruel.

I know no one has a manual on 'How to Be a Good Parent'. No one was born into the role. When we become parents, every day is still a lesson, every day is trial and error.

But some errors are better avoided, I guess?

Eversince becoming a 24/7 mum, I often ask myself what it is to be a parent? Surely that's a role of an adult. Am I an adult? When did I become one? When was that 'turning point' where I crossed over from being a child to becoming an adult?

I once saw a Korean drama that addressed this - 'an adult is one who puts the needs of others before himself'. Quite an overstatement perhaps, but not all together untrue. To be an adult is to be mature. Maturity is, as the dictionary puts it, 'fully developed in body or mind, as a person'. Therefore, an adult doesn't dabble in puerile, infantile behaviour such as screaming when she doesn't get her way or tossing things about to show her wrath. An adult tackles oncoming problems head-on. She should be level-headed, in control. Not spiral out of control.

Do my actions reveal I'm still v much a child then? A child who is grappling with adulthood, struggling to be a parent? How then can a child raise a child?

I am stumped.

All I can do now is pray for God to teach me to 'grow up!' (Steph, you used this word on me before, remember?) and take on adulthood and parenthood with gumption. I pray for Patience to put my child's needs before mine. I also pray for Forgiveness in falling short of my duties as a parent. We are but temporary custodians of God's child/children. We are 'chosen' to look after them, nurture them, in ways that are pleasing in God's sight.

Just as I've taken the route to being a parent, so must I endeavour to be a DARN good one. Before Danielle spreads her wings out to adulthood, I must ensure the memories of her childhood are fond ones - filled with laughter, enrichment, fun, kindness, but most of all, LOVE.

(Thank you Geri for your article 'How can a Parent Find Peace of Mind' sent a few weeks back. Reading it again today certainly put things in perspective for me.)

The innovative sock-hat!

Since losing one side of the Bonds socks Mel gave (and still feeling sore about it), have transformed it to a 'beanie' for Danielle's fav teddy bear. Danielle was so tickled by Teddy's 'new look', she wanted to look exactly like him! Look at the happy chipper! She's also taken to sitting in our big oriental pot and using it as a 'hideout'. Kekeke...

Potty Tales

Danielle did the funniest thing today. As part of her 'privacy routine' while making 'doodoo', she hides behind doors or under chairs. But today, she went to the toilet, carried her detachable potty seat, placed it on the toilet bowl, took off her diaper, all of her clothes (??) and plonked herself on the 'throne'. How did I know she did all that herself? I was busy skyping my sis when I heard some noises. By the time I sped to the toilet, she was on the toilet seat and giving me her 'I wanna poo so dun disturb me' look! I was gobsmacked, to say the least! And she told me, 'Close the door', 'Go away mummy'! And so I did. Then when I popped in periodically to chk on whether she was done with the deed, she'd tell me, 'Dun worry, dun worry!'

How not to laugh at her antics, I ask you?!

Anyway, I managed to take a proud shot of her in all her potty 'regality'... :)

* Singlet put back on her to maintain modesty. Thank you very much. :P

Words... don't come easy to me.

When it comes to matters of the heart, I must admit I'm no expert. I made the cardinal mistake of telling a friend 'I understand how you feel', once. I don't think she ever forgave me for that. And sadly, our friendship fizzled thereafter... So whenever someone comes to me with their hearts on their sleeves, I always empathise but I can't say in all honesty, 'I know how you feel'.

I guess we can only begin to IMAGINE how someone else feels?

Yet, do we need others to really understand what we're going through, or does a listening ear suffice?

Only recently, I was rendered speechless when a v dear friend shared her innermost feelings with me. The topic in question was not something I hadn't heard before. But even though I had heard her mention this a few times in the years we've known each other, whenever I hear it again, I still feel that same singeing feeling. Not that I'm stung by her words, but more so I feel a pain skewer through my own heart?

And if I feel like that, what more she? But then again, I can't possibly understand how she feels...and I say this with no hint of sarcasm or bitterness.

So the stab to my heart must surely be empathy?

Feelings, or emotions, are funny... how would you term them, 'things', 'senses'? Without them, you're labelled a cold fish. Too much, and you're a basketcase.

But I digress...

My 'speechlessness' was in response to her revelation, 'it'll always be one of (her) life's greatest regrets... not being able to be with the guy (she) love(s) most'.

What do you say to a friend who tells you that but whom you know has married someone 'good' for her? I have no clues.

Then I ask myself: Is it simply a romantic notion to marry the man you love most?

Or is it better to marry someone who loves you more than you love him, and for the most part, is better for you?

I sometimes wonder what Life would've been like had I not married Dee. Would I, like my friend, ponder over the 'what ifs', the 'what could've been', or ask the poignant question - 'Why?. Would I think of Dee as 'the one who got away' and be jolted to memories him whenever I hear certain songs, watch certain movies, or walk up a familiar street?

Only when I think such thoughts, do I then believe I can feel but a modicum of the anguish she goes through...

Every time she shares with me, I never fail to remind her that her husband is 'a much better catch', 'is good for her', 'is responsible', 'is a provider'. I want to apologise to her for saying all these, actually. Not because I don't mean them, or that they are not true. I apologise because I'm sure she already knows all these things, and that's why she chose to marry him. She doesn't need convincing. She is convinced. Yet all these do not elude the fact that she feels trapped in an unpassionate marriage.

And there you have it. The root of the problem.

Her hubby is Mr Coldfish.

The times when she reverts to the 'good ol' days of The Ex' is when she fails to feel passion in the marriage or when her hubby does things that unwittingly 'quell' that passion.

With him, her heart does not go bopitty-bop, her heart doesn't race, she doesn't feel excitement when she sees him everyday. A far cry from how her Ex made her feel.

Her husband's passive take on marriage makes them easy prey to a mundane, routinous married life. Something she doesn't want for them. And rightly so.

Perhaps her husband feels that passion and romance are 'poppycock'. Certainly a marriage can be devoid of these and still work? Perhaps his family background never allowed him to be emotional - to laugh and be merry, or cry when it hurt. Perhaps he's had to hide behind a steely exterior for so long that he no longer knows how to come out from under it? These are all speculation on my part, of course. For again, I do not know how he feels.

But what I know is this - being emotional comes with a price. You become vulnerable, sensitive, exposed. Emotions can be a sign of weakness and I can fully empathise why some people steer clear away from them.

But there's also a flip side. Emotions let you know you're ALIVE and bring with them a whole torrent of feelings - ecstasy, depression, agitation, excitement, morosity...while not all emotions are 'feel-good' kinds, the ability to feel, I feel, is one of life's gifts.

Right now, all I can say to this v dear friend is God allows things to happen for a reason. For all his bigotry, her hubby is still a good man. Perhaps God placed her in his life to teach him to love - to love her (in the way she deserves to be loved), to love others, but most of all, to love God. Her marriage has certainly brought her closer to God and perhaps in His time, God will reveal to her that He has provided the man that He knew would be the 'man she loved most in her life'.

I love you girl. And I know God will reveal His plans for you and your husband soon.

Midnite musings

12:26am. In one of my grungy, angsty boy-band moods at this time of the morning. Was listening to my downloaded music when got reminded of this great song by Simple Plan.
Sometimes emotions are better expressed through music.

Methinks I'm going to continue repeating the track till I tire of it.

CRAZY

Tell me what's wrong with society
When everywhere I look I see
Young girls dying to be on TV
They wont stop 'til they've reached their dreams

Diet pills, surgery
Photoshop pictures in magazines
Telling them how they should be
It doesn't make sense to me

Is everybody going crazy?
Is anybody gonna save me?
Can anybody tell me what's going on?
Tell me what's going on
If you open your eyes
You'll see that something is wrong

I guess things are not how they used to be
There's no more normal families
Parents act like enemies
Making kids feel like it's world war III

No one cares, no one's there
I guess we're all just too damn busy
Money's our first priority
It doesn't make sense to me

Is everybody going crazy?
Is anybody gonna save me?
Can anybody tell me what's going on?
Tell me what's going on
If you open your eyes
You'll see that something is wrong

is everybody going crazy?
is everybody going crazy?

Tell me what's wrong with society
When everywhere I look I see
Rich *guys* driving big SUV's
While kids are starving in the streets
No one cares
No one likes to share
I guess life's unfair

Is everybody going crazy?
Is anybody gonna save me?
Can anybody tell me what's going on
Tell me what's going on
If you open your eyes
You'll see that something

something is wrong
Is everybody going Crazy?
Can anybody tell me what's going on
Tell me what's going on
If you open your eyes
You'll see that something is wrong

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY CHEESES!

After 13 long years of 'pak-tor-ing', you guys have finally arrived...

Tell me they dun look alike?

The resemblence is uncanny, if you ask me.

A McChi by any other name is still my McChi...

My sis and I have many pet names for each other. Some quite hair-raisingly 'rou ma', truth be told! But then again, everyone's always said my relationship with my sis was brinking on 'lesbo-ism'? Harharhar...Eeeks!

Anyway, my ever-so-witty, downright corny but beauteous (putting this in for good measure!) sis, after reading my blog entries on Ireland, decided to confer herself the 'honourary' Irish-esque title, 'McChi'. And Danielle became 'McNelle'. As for me?

'McQiubio'.

Definitely an addition to our pet name list eh, Chi?

What can I say? My sis is simply bo liao. *roll eyes all over the place* And she knows no bounds? In fact, she was the one who convinced me to change my template to green, in an obvious attempt to align my 'blog look' to my Ireland entries. And of course I acceded - hook, line and sinker? She even started writing emails to me in a mock Irish accent. 'Wee lassy', 'St Patrick Lund'... oh me shamrocks...

It's certainly rare to have a relationship with a sister this close. The only other successful sisters I know are prob Clara/Jaime, Mel/Gail, Bess/Jess/Corinne, Es/Rachel(?). Indeed, we are the blessed few.

Even silly things we do make me miss her. While on Skype last nite, we both displayed our lack in prowess to talk on Skpe and type 'chats' to each other at the same time! When we typed, we couldn't talk, and vice versa. *Shakehead* So much for being able to multi-task, huh? How ever do we manage as mums? Heeheehee.

Hmmm, better not write further coz all this is making me teary. Sheesh.

But metinks, I shud tell ya dis - I'm the blessed one to 'ave ya, McChi... :)

Thrift Shopping tis Good Shopping!

Since coming over & living on a budget (dare I say 'shoestring'?), have found thrift shops a wonderful 'treasure trove' for cheap yet good buys, especially kiddy stuff! :) Call me 'el-cheapo' but I stand by my decision that there's nothing wrong buying thrift. In fact, it may be a good thing coz all proceeds go to the charitable organisation? I rest my case. Heehee :)

So far, I've bought 2 books for Danielle (59p and 25p) and 2 long-sleeved tops (75p and a quid). The tops I bought are relatively new and are from Elle and Gap. Not bad eh? And the best part? I only pay a fraction of the price! 'Tis good, I tell ye!

The thrift shops I frequent are within walking distance from my place, in the Balham area. There's Salvation Army, Cancer Research Centre and Cancer Foundation. All of them sell pretty decent and 'almost-new' stuff. Even branded! So unlike the Cash Convertors or The Salvation Army we have back home, where most things look grubby or tatty! It's become a thrill for me, visiting these stores. Every week, I eagerly look out for what's new on the shelves. And every week, I anticipate chancing on that rare and wicked find... :)

Geri said she, too, enjoyed shopping at thrift shops whilst studying in the UK. Her favourite was OXFAM. I hvn't frequented that one too much. The nearest outlet to me is in Tooting Bec (aka 'Little India'). Will try to pop by one day to chk it out.

Currently, I hv my eye on a brown Zara cardigan costing 2.50pounds for Danielle at Salvation Army! Perhaps I'll get it in my next 'thrift shopping' spree! Yippee!

Cat Musings...

Meiling (my ex Sony colleague/manager) sent me pictures of Bambi recently. She's just the sweetest, constantly updating me on how my furry daughter is doing.

And from the looks of it, Bambi seems to be enjoying herself quite a bit! :)

MeiLing tells me Bambi has been helping herself to her bougainvilla plant (it's now quite botak), loves sleeping on the armrest of her sofa (turning it from blue to white with her fur!), favourite room is the study and loves lying by the speakers when music is being played.

Sure am glad Bambi found fabulous foster parents...

Dublin City Exposed - Part Quatre

Am back in London after a rather tiring few days in Ireland. Saturday (16 Sept) was largely spent visiting the Guinness Museum (also known as Guiness Storehouse), The National Museum of Ireland, Oscar Wilde's memorial and residence, and by accident, the Natural History Museum of Ireland (more on that later on).

But first, we finally managed to sample quintessential Irish breakfast! Thank goodness our hotel's restaurant offered it. Paid 8.50 euros each to have a serving of baked beans, hash brown, streaky bacon, sausages, scrambled eggs (v blend), toast and the pièce de résistance - black and white pudding (or fried blood and assorted meat pattie??? The b/w pudding are the 2 knob-like things in the pix). My verdict? Errr, what's in the white pudding? Tried a bit of it and when I couldn't identify what was in it, gave up. Didn't want to be chomping on strange bits of pig/beef offal, just in case... And Dee and I didn't eat the black pudding in the end. He was about to tuck in when he remembered the Bible saying something about how Christians shouldn't consume blood. And while he was still deliberating, as if a sign from God, he bit his lip! We decided it best to heed 'The Sign' and left the blood untouched on our plates. :)

After brekkie, we walked to The Guinness Storehouse on St James Street. It took us about 20 min to get there but we figured we needed to walk off all the fried stuff we'd had for breakfast. Within the walls of the Storehouse lies 7 storeys of exhibition space, each floor revealing the rich history behind 'the black stuff', how it came about, and the ambitions and aspirations of its founder, Arthur Guinness. Can't say I had the best time there but was certainly well-informed in the making of the perfect Guinness - the finest Irish barley, purest Irish spring water, Hops (a kind of plant) and the all impt - specially formulated YEAST by Arthur Guinness himself. Dee was enthralled, to say the least. He took time to go through ALL the panels and listen to the commentary. But the highlight for him was redeeming that free pint of Guinness at the top of the Storehouse! Mmmm-mmm...

Unfortunately, Danielle lost one of her Bonds ankle socks (given by Mel from Oz) in the Storehouse and despite searching for it and asking Lost & Found, 'twas not to be found. V upset... :(

Our next stop was the National Museum of Ireland. We decided to hop into a cab to save time, but ended up wasting it instead when we landed at the wrong museum! Turns out Dee mistook 'Natural' for 'National' and directed a rather disconcerted cabbie to the wrong place! We decided to mill around the Natural Museum for abit and browsed through exhibit after exhibit of embalmed animals (A Giant Irish Deer! An Irish Hare! An Irish Badger!). But at least I found out that Danielle can identify a wolf coz when she saw one in an exhibit, she muttered 'Wolf', 'Raaaah!', 'Blow house down'! Heehee, all this from listening to the story of the 3 Little Pigs. :)

We headed to the actual National Museum finally and spent about an hour there. Enjoyed the exhibit 'Kingship and Sacrifice' where several 'bog mummies' were out on display. Quite awesome, but in a macabre sort of way. But our overall verdict? Quite disappointing. Whilst the Museum showcased a whole mélange of artifacts, they failed to tell how these things played a part in Irish history. There were artifacts from the Archaic, Medieval, Viking era etc, but they didn't illustrate how those periods affected or formed Ireland. Quite a pity, really. Or perhaps we just went to the wrong place?

After a short stop at the Oscar Wilde memorial and residence, we headed back to York Street where we'd parked the car and headed to the airport. Didn't quite like rushing through the day but guess we couldn't anticipate Danielle falling ill. Our flight was delayed for an hour so by the time we got home, it was 11pm. Thankfully Danielle was fast asleep by then. That meant I could clean the house, unpack and do the laundry... *yawn*

Top 10 Things I Learnt about Ireland
1) Irish are warm and friendly! They smile before you do, offer help in directions and photo-taking even before you ask them! Amazing!
2) In North Ireland(Belfast), they use sterling pounds and consider themselves part of the UK. In the South (Dublin), they are considered a Republic and trade in euros.
3) Green is the unmistakable National Colour! Almost everything is coloured spinach green - from mailboxes, interior of shopping malls, to street signs... even the people seem to prefer donning in green compared to other colours!
4) Irish use 'wee' to mean 'little'. Eg 'Does your wee girl want a plate of her own?'
5) Irish do NOT pronounce the 'H' in words like 'Thanks', 'Three', 'Thirty'. They say 'Tanks', 'Tree', 'Teerty'.
6) A person with a surname 'Mc-something' is likely to be Irish. A 'Mac-something', on the other hand, could be Scottish.
7) Other widely used symbols in Ireland, besides the shamrock, are the 'harp' (on Guinness bottles) and 'castles'. Even bus-stops symbols are represented by 'castles'.
8) Ireland is sparsely populated. Esp in rural areas, you see more livestock than you do people. (Similar to New Zealand, perhaps?)
9) Polish and Chinese immigrants are as rampant in Ireland as Indians and Afro-blacks are in England.
10) In the South, Gaelic is widely used and recognised. Signages bear both Gaelic and English translations. In the North, it's strictly English.

En route to Dublin - Part Trois

Despite the late night revelry the previous day, we managed to drag ourselves outta bed at 8-ish AM to get ready for breakfast. Our aim was to start driving into Dublin by 10plus AM so that we could squeeze seeing at least ONE tourist attraction instead of cramming everything to Sat. The drive was to take us approx 2 1/2 hrs so by 1030ish, after saying our goodbyes to Meiling's family at their guesthouse (they put up at Blessingbourne, a service apt-type/cottage accommodation away from Valley Hotel), we set off quite on schedule.

MeiLing's aunties had asked if they could trail our car into Dublin so they could do more sightseeing. We agreed to have them follow us. But in the end, this put quite a bit of stress on both Dee and myself... (more on this later).

Armed with a Dublin map/guide, AA online-directions and a compass, I took on the navigator role again. But darn, it was nerve-racking! Getting to Dublin was OK but once we were in the city... oh.my.god.

There's a reason why the Dublin guide told us it would be better to walk within the city. Many of Dublin's streets are ONE-WAY! To get somewhere, you might have to go around the street to get into the street. A driver's nightmare! In addition, it didn't help that the Dublin guide/map I had borrowed from the Balham Library seemed to be out-of-date. Whenever Dee drew my attention to a streetname on the right, it appeared on the left in the map instead! As you would imagine, in such dire situations, tempers flared. And to add to the mounting stress levels, we also had the aunties tailing us...

After an hour of going round in circles, we FINALLY found Harcourt Road and with it, our hotel - The Harcourt Hotel. A bit of background regarding the choice of hotel - besides choosing it based on price (49 euros per pax), I'd chosen it coz it was the former residence of celebrated playwright - George Bernard Shaw (think Pygmalion, on which My Fair Lady was based on). Thought it'd be quite cool to see what it was like and perhaps, it could serve as another tourist attraction for us?

Anyway, as they say in Chinese, 'yi fen qian, yi fen huo'. The room, though spacious, was modest and looked like it served backpackers better. Dee was slightly disgruntled but I defended myself that we weren't going to stay in the room v much anyway. And it was, for just ONE night. That appeased him somewhat, or perhaps he was just too pooped to get into a debate... kekeke. But I had to agree with him on one thing - the makeshift or 'fake' ceiling for the toilet was rather unsettling. And the fact that the window could not be locked became a safety issue, not something a family should be faced with. So, in retrospect, I should have chosen a mid-range hotel that would have been safer for the family... Another lesson learnt!

Danielle had woken up with a slight flu that morning and throughout the car journey, she was having problems breathing properly. Poor thing... didn't know how to blow her nose. Got her some Vicks VapourRub when we stopped for some water supplies, and that helped slightly... :( But becoz of this, we decided to have an early night. No point stressing the lil' one too much and potentially waste Saturday. So after scouting around for a pharmacy for some quick-fix flu medication, we had dinner at a nearby lounge called 'The Village' (that played some of the weirdest lounge music I'd ever heard!), then headed back to the hotel. After dawdling about for awhile, we climbed into our beds at 8pm.

MeiLing and Andrew Lane's Wedding (Corick House,Clogher) - Part Deux

Made a mistake in my earlier entry. The Valley Hotel* where we're putting up is situated in fivemilestown, whereas the wedding venue (Corick House) is in the next town, Clogher.
* Dee was a tad skeptical when he first saw The Valley Hotel (its exterior does look rather shabby and dodgy, don't u think?) but was won over by the clean and adequate room later. Surprisingly, it even had a wall-hanging plasma TV! Kekekeke

Had a scrumptious breakfast this morning at the hotel cafe. The fare was actually v simple but was warm & comforting - cereal(ok, not hot) w/ lovely fresh milk , grilled sausages, bacon, poached eggs, grilled tomato, potato bread (commonly served in Ireland), toast and 'gao gao' coffee. Mouthwateringly sedap! Andy recommends we try the quaintessential Irish breakfast that includes black pudding (i.e coagulated blood, not unlike what we eat in kway chap, only deep fried?). Reckon we will try this in Dublin when we drive back on Friday. :)

Went to Corick House to take some 'pre-wedding shots' of MeiLing since her actual day photographer was only going to show up at 'half-one'. Her makeup artist, Caroline, and 2 hairdressers, Susan and didn't-quite-get-her-name were lovely and did a fab job! I was quite surprised by their standards since they operate from small village salons. But I guess talent is talent, regardless of location or business-size? :) Anyway, I think MeiLing was v grateful that we took some shots for her. Good thing I like being a shutterbug, albeit not a professional one. Her guests from Singapore were a mere handful - 1 JJC friend, Wanyu (whom Dee knows well), 2 aunties and her immediate family (mum and sis). So we were the only other Singaporeans at her wedding. By 12 noon, we headed back to our hotel to get changed. Dee brought his 'Made in Thailand' black suit, Danielle had a new M&S dress from Auntie Mimi and although I had originally planned to wear my kebaya, decided against it later coz thought it might be too elaborate... Mel, I brought your nice warm turquois pashmina and Danielle's bellero again! :)

The Wedding
Didn't have time to pen my thoughts post wedding so will try to remember ALL that happened on the wedding day proper. The wedding ceremony started at 230pm but we arrived at around 2pm to "cho re nao" at the bride's room. Took more pre-wedding shots of MeiLing in her beautiful wedding gown (SilverLining,Singapore), putting on her 5" heels (she's another Mabel!!) and her lovely jewelry from Soo Kee. Dee was the ONLY man in the room but that turned out to be rather handy coz he helped put the veil on the bride??? Apparently, he had paid very close attention when the hairdressers were passing on instructions to Wanyu and ML's mum. What can I say? My man, the Handy Man! :P

At ten to 230pm, we proceeded to the ceremony hall to get seated. Corick House is just the perfect location to hold a wedding. Lush greenery outside, Victorian-esque interior, oak furnishing, walls painted in warm hues...quite a bride's dream. Will try to post as many photos of the location through Kodak Gallery but methinks will take some time to upload all. Think I took close to 300 shots of the wedding?!

Anyhew, back to the ceremony.

It was heartwarmingly BEAUTIFUL.

And I say this despite not knowing the bride and groom v well. Was v touched by the ceremony and found myself tearing at different points (and I'm not just being emotional here! Cross my heart!). I teared when the groom's mum did a reading (she teared too), I cried when I saw MeiLing's kid sister cry coz it reminded me of my bond with my sis, and I cried when the groom addressed his new MIL for the first time (she cried buckets!!!). But the most poignant was MeiLing's speech to Andrew. She gave us insights to her relationship with him, then came the tear-jerking moment - she presented him with a personalised gift (the necklace w/ a cross pendant that Andy first saw MeiLing in, all framed up with the words 'When our story begins... 14 Sept 2006') and said in the marriage, she was 'the lucky one'. Tears flowed freely at every table and we could see that the groom was visably moved. All of us were. And Dee and I maintain once again that it really doesn't matter what fancy peripheral(s) a couple has at their wedding - when their guests can sense their love and their happiness - all else fades....

Ok, fast forward to the rest of the ceremony. They had engaged a harpist and her soft strums added to the ambience of the place. 'Canon in D Major' by Pachelbel was chosen as the walk-in song and the bride looked simply stunning as she walked down the aisle, arm-in-arm with her mummy (parents are divorced). I think MeiLing did v well considering the emotionally-charged ceremony! Just like Stephie eh? *grin*

An ang moh wedding sure is different from us Asian's. For one, there's a LOT of waiting around. I had asked the bus driver (who picked guests up from Valley Hotel) what time he'd be back to pick us up. He said '11pm ~1am'! I was...??? Didn't the civil ceremony begin at 230pm? What were we to do till dinner time and after? Anyway, realised that this is a norm and in between programs, guests are expected to mingle and drink, drink, drink, drink (ok, u get the idea). So that's what we did. By the end of the evening, Dee had had 9 pints of Guinness (when in Rome, do as the Romans do, he said!) and I had 3 Gin & Tonic(s). Had to be the responsible parent of the 2. Don't think we could look after a hyperactive 2YO in a drunken stupor!

Dinner was great! We were served a red pepper/tomato soup with warm bread rolls, a choice of beef and turkey+ham, and for dessert, either profiteroles or b&b pudding. We tucked in heartily and were well and truly stuffed after! The best dish for me was the Irish cabbage and bacon side dish (someone google for the recipe & try out for Christmas! It's delish!). It was the best mix of cabbage, broccoli, and bacon sautéed in butter! Wah zaaaan eh! Shiok-a-doodles!

Danielle was the luckiest lass at the wedding do. She had EVERYONE's attention and admiration! I felt like a mum presenting her daughter at some debutante ball. :) Thankfully, she was at her best behaviour so that earned her more compliments. Everyone was amazed at her ability to amuse herself and stay up (not good) till the wee hours without fussing. Of course, I had to tell them that that wasn't always the case and she had her 'moments' as well. One lady, Samantha, was so sweet, she even invited Danielle for a dance! That's Danielle wearing Samantha's hairpiece... apparently, it's a good alternative for a hat if your face shape doesn't suit hats. Or so I hear...

And of course no wedding dinner is complete without the traditional 'yum-seng'. No prizes for guessing who led in the cheering. Uh-hum, the Chans did ourselves proud (yes, me screaming my lungs off too!) with a resounding 'Yuuuummm Seeeennng'! That definitely got everyone's attention and in response, they rewarded us with thunderous applause.

What a great way to end off a wedding!