A Father I Never Knew

(I've been trying to piece this entry together since last week. I simply could not find the words. Even now, I'm still struggling to find the words...)

From where I am now, news reports undoubtedly centre around the Americas and Europe at large. Of late, I've been religiously following reports of James Kim and his family.

James Kim, senior editor at the illustrious IT firm, CNET, together with his family found themselves lost and stranded in the middle of the Oregan wilderness. They had taken a roadtrip over the Thanksgiving holidays when things went horribly awry.

A week after they were marooned, the mother and their 2 young daughters were thankfully found 'in good condition'. They were saved after family and friends raised the alarm when both parents failed to show up for their appointments the following week. Rescue teams were frantically set up and began an unrelentless search for the family.

With the wife and daughters found, the rescue teams continued their search for James Kim who had decided to leave his family in the hope of finding help. Over the next few days, there was a huge outpour of support and prayers from people in the US, even around the globe. Everyone was praying James would be found alive, and reunited with his family.

But sadly, they discovered his body in a shallow creek, 4 days after he'd left his family.

What began as a rescue became a recovery.

James Kim died of hypothermia, only a mile away from his family. Reports said he had walked approx 10 miles trying to look for help and was probably finding his way back when his body gave in to harsh weather conditions, fatigue and hunger.

Why write about a man I hardly know, save for the newspaper reports I've pored over?

I guess I was moved. Moved by how this man, this father, literally died trying to save his family.

I was so affected by news of his death that I stayed up that night, having a discussion with Dee on what he would've done if he were in James' position. As expected, he responded that he would've done exactly the same thing. Just as I knew he would.

But something Dee said really struck me - James Kim did what he did knowing that he could either succeed, or die trying. When he made that decision to track out in the cold wilderness, there was basically no turning back. No room for U-turns. It simply didn't make sense to embark on a half-baked attempt to look for help, only to come back hours later with nothing. That would mean going back to square-one.

And square-one meant watching your family members die right infront of your eyes. No worse, die because of your inaction.

The part that really kills me is when I think about how I'd have reacted if I were his wife. When I read that James had 'promised to return' after a few hours of scouting, that, really hit home. Coz I knew that would've been exactly what Dee would've said to me to convince me to let him out there.

Coz I'd never have let him go.

I wouldn't have let him go risking the what ifs. I know he'd have promised me a million, a billion times that he'd be back in a couple of hours. But knowing him, he'd have kept pushing himself harder with every thought that if he didn't try hard enough, he'd be letting his family down. He'd be letting his family die. And that must've been the same motivation for James Kim...

Reports say his trek up the rugged terrain was 'superhuman'; that he was very 'motivated'. But to me, I think James did what he did simply because he was a dad - one who loved his family too much to give up.

...

My bottom line is this: No family goes on a holiday expecting tragedy to strike. No wife waves goodbye to a husband, knowing she'll never see him again.

And that's what tears me up. If I were Kati Kim now, I'd cry every time I think I didn't even have a chance to say goodbye. I didn't have one last chance to tell him I love you.

(James Kim died not knowing whether his family was saved or not. Although I know if he's in heaven looking down now, he'd be at peace knowing his attempts had not been in vain. Rest in peace, James.)