Being Mummy Saggs
Motherhood came slowly for me. By that I mean I didn't embrace it as quickly as I thought I would.
People were always telling me, Saggs, you're 'Mum' material, or that I had motherly instincts, that I hover around people like a clucky hen. Everyone was certain I'd be a great mum. And secretly, I thought I would slip into the role easy-peasy.
But I didn't.
Throughout the course of my life, I've worn different hats, taken on diverse roles. I am/was a daughter, sister, friend, ah yee, aunty, tuition teacher, employee, colleague...all of which I took on with gumption. But a mother? That, was my jagged little pill.
After my maternity leave, I dived straight back to work and soon became a Weekend Mum - one who left her baby with the parents'/in-laws - visiting twice a week (sometimes ONCE!) and bringing the bub home only on the weekends. Even when I switched to a more relaxing job, I chose to remain a Weekend Mum.
Oh, I know I was judged for it. Especially by aunties (not my relations, thank God!), fellow mums, even friends and family members couldn't help but voice their disapproval at my apparent 'lack of commitment' to my child. But at that time, weekends were all I could manage. I hadn't fully embraced how my life had changed and I didn't know how to handle another life. Hell, I still struggle to handle my own life properly, what more that of another?
So baby steps, safe steps I took. All the way till mid 2006 when I decided to take that ginormous plunge into being a full-time mother. What's more, in a foreign country! I didn't know whether I could do it. I know some were holding their breaths, their hearts palpitating wildly, wondering whether I'd suffer a meltdown.
Which, I probably did. But I learned from it.
And I didn't give up. Or more accurately, I didn't have a chance to give up.
I still have bad 'mothering' days (yesterday being the closest to date!) but I'm a little less unsure, just a tad more confident, and I read my daughter's temperaments better. But I still struggle to put her needs first in my life. And I still harbour countless flaws.
I took a long time to embrace Motherhood. Yet, it steathily managed to wiggle its way into my life, and find a resting place in my heart.
Today, I love my daughter more than I ever did. I know she loves me back. And this love we share? It's all that matters.
4 comments:
Nice pic.
:)
Its strange isn't it? how the bonding starts, we don't even know. I reckon being a mom is the toughest yet most rewarding job in the world, and however long a mom might need to take to embrace motherhood wholeheartedly, she'll always get there in the end....
Well done Syl. Mom to mom, I think you did great :)
What you've done - giving up your career for your little girl, is the BEST thing you can do for your child. There'll always be good days and bad days but hey, your little girl will remember her mommy was there in her growing up years..... You're doing great!
Standing Ovation for Saggies! Am glad you've settled more comfortably into the role of being a mom!
Seeing how much U and Danielle have bonded over this period of time, I am sure you both will have a relationship you will treasure in the years to come. (Even better than Gilmore Girls - which is like a fantasy for my mum and i ha ha... but we do have our girlfriend moments on occassions that the moon turns blue ^.^" )
Someone once said... that it is the child that makes the parent and not the parent that makes the child. How true!
Every encounter and experience with them not only helps our kids develop, it also further grows us parents. Suddenly we are able to better understand our parents' feelings and appreciate all they have done for us. My aunt told me how everytime I caught a flu as a kid and was ill, my mum would totally melt into tears for days. =) I know Mum loves me the same way I love Kae... just salah love language hence all the misunderstandings. And I am trying to be more patient and trying to be more understanding nowadays... hers is tough love lah. =)
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For me, I am actually struggling to not be a SAHM coz I miss Kae so much!
I spent close to 4 years, being with him and my wonderful Dad almost all the time (except when freelancing). Plus I breastfed him for almost 3 years!!
When I stayed at home with him, we'd do art and craft, play silly games and watch cartoons together. It was really great fun.
I also had more time to spend with my Dad... Dad and I have always been close but he used to travel a lot in my youth & I'd not see him for months on end. So having almost exclusive time with him at last was really good.
I've learnt a lot from my son and my father - and I hope Kae and I will be as close as Dad and I are-
the "can share all the secrets under the sun" kind of close. =)
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