Chicken Soup for My Soul

Today's Wednesday - the day I'm supposed to religiously (excuse the pun) attend the Women's Christian group at All Souls. It's 'Christmas Luncheon' week and I was tasked with bringing olives as part of my contribution. So I made my purchases of 2 tubs of olives (one with sundried tomatoes, the other with feta cheese) from Tesco's and placed them in a bag in the fridge, ready to bring them to church today.

But (being) 'ready' was the farthest thing on my mind. In fact my desire to attend the group started wanning from Monday night.

You know those days where you simply DO NOT want to do anything? Where lazing around is a much more tempting option; and it's a stretch to go along with routine?

Well, Today was such a day.

Being a stickler for routine, this is rather uncharacteristic of me. But I guess where religion is concerned, it's a different ball game altogether as there are other forces at play.

Anyway, my mind went on overdrive thinking up gazillion different reasons why I shouldn't attend the group. Some random excuses included:

1) Am out of sorts
2) It's too darn cold out there!
3) I don't feel v well
4) Danielle's not 100% either
5) Danielle's still sleeping and she'll make me late (this came to mind today)
6) Don't feel like socialising
7) The travelling to and fro is soooo daunting
8) The Tube ride - having to carry buggy, barang-barang, and pull Danielle along, up & down the Tube stairs is NOT my idea of a joyride
(Yes, you heard right, stairs not escalators - which there's an inherent lack of in the underground)
9) I hate parties. Don't know anyone well, will have to struggle with small talk
10) I just don't wanna go? Do I have to dignify THAT with a reason?

Out of sheer desperation(?), I decided to seek the sound advice of a friend. And sound advice came in the form of Skiver A who in response, emailed this to me:

'...Go love, God won't let you down and most importantly, don't let our Father down...'

I was almost sorry I emailed her (no insult intended S.A!) coz what she said resounded in my mind and I found myself getting ready, albeit mechanically. The final push was me telling myself that the bible study would take up most of my morning and that would be a good way to while away the day. Unbelievable!

Anyway, I managed to drag myself to church, with reluctance notwithstanding.

The first half of bible study was OK. We discussed the entire book of Ruth and uncovered several important lessons.

Halfway through, I found myself asking God, 'Ok, so I've obeyed You and attended the session. Now, what's in it for me?' (Talk about being ego-centric!)

In that instance, my 'answer' arrived. And I mean literally. She trudged into the hall and plonked herself adjacent to me.

Katherine Grainger.

It was almost impossible not to gawk at Katherine. Not that she was gorgeous or anything, in fact quite the opposite. When she first sat down and took off her baret, I found myself deliberately trying to avert my gaze.

Why? Coz Katherine is balding. And why so? Coz Katherine is undergoing chemotherapy for leukemia...

During bible study, she spoke of death freely. But not in a bitter way. Not in the least. In fact I sat there marvelling at her courage & her tenacity to still glorify God despite what she was going through.

Call it the act of God, but the seat next to me was empty during lunch and I managed to have a conversation with her then. All I asked was when she first knew of her condition but in return came a barrage of information. It was as though she needed an outlet and I was it.

She knew when she was first diagnosed with breast cancer. While the treatment sorted that out, it led to complications resulting in leukemia. Talk about double whammy! And this all happened shortly after having her son, who's now 6. As she related her ordeal to me, I teared continuously.

I know everyone's gonna pin it down to me being emotional again. And it's true, I do cry easily. But I'm certain that anyone who spoke with Katherine as I did today, would've reacted the same way.

It certainly forces you to put things in perspective when you encounter people like that. People who want a chance at a new lease of life but may not get it, yet still find it within themselves to trust God, trust His timing, trust His plans for them.

And they're dying.

Today, my tears for Katherine were tears of shame. Shame that I gripe over going to church even though I'm able-bodied and healthy. She, on the other hand, battles poor eye sight (brought about by treatment) and failing lungs, but still manages to turn up whenever she can. My tears were for her as a mother - one who could possibly not see her son grow up but prays he will remember her for her courage, her faith and her love for God. My tears were for her life - life she doesn't have control of but one she clings onto so courageously and thanks God everyday for the blessings she still has.

This same woman said in bible study today: 'We are so unworthy of all of God's blessings yet He gives them to us, freely.'

So God, I know what was in it for me today. You wanted to show me Katherine, your child who's dying, but who still thanks You each and every day for the blessings You bestow her. Makes me wonder how I have thanked You for mine?

* Kiddos are from the creche that's held while the ladies, and us mummies, have bible study.