Hand me a Kleenex, why don't you?

(a May 01 posting)

I've just spent the last hour and a half bawling my eyes out.

Yes, I'm impossibly emotional. It's almost as if my hormones are performing some athletic feat like say, a 20-mile marathon? Hmmm...make that 40.

I'd pant in exhaustion if I could but my overworked tearducts have been completely exhausted of all my body's water. That's right, all 68 per cent of it.

Before I continue, let me say that I do not intentionally seek sentimental or tear-inducing activities as an afternoon past-time. I'm not that neurotic! Honest!

I began my tranquil afternoon (Danielle's at PM nursery today) listening to Hillsongs and was immediately moved to tears by these 2 songs:



Then I read over the Internet about a US Christian mother's plight and my floodgates swung open again. H is a mother of 3, of which one of her daughters is autistic and suffers from Mitochondrial Myopathy. H has also recently been diagnosed with a brain tumor. She's 32.

She goes for surgery this Thursday and as it is with any operation, there are risks. But her (and her family's) strength, and her faith is truly awe-inspiring. Bear with me whilst I take some excerpts from her lifestory:

On her husband:
"There are things that you talk about with your spouse that you would never talk about with anyone else in times like this. Not because they are so personal and private, but because they are so amazingly honest. Mark and I were talking about the risks of the procedure- death being one of them; He looked me square in the eyes and said “If you die, I will be so angry”, he paused and then said “because you will get to see Christ before me”. Having a husband who truly gets it- truly understands what this is about is so wonderful. This isn’t about me- never was.

On being a living testimony:
I stand before you today and tell you that my tumor is not God’s punishment. My daughters terminal illness and autism and failing heart are not Gods punishment. My life is a living testimony of his grace and love. The 5 years that I have spent with this amazing child, who every doctor told me would be dead by now, is a testimony of His grace and love. Finding this tumor from an inner ear infection is a testimony of His grace and love. Being so young, and without any symptoms from such a large tumor is a testimony of His grace and love. Having 32 years of life is a testimony of His grace and love.

Bad things are going to happen. Its inevitable. Facing them with hope and power makes the journey so much more possible. Facing the pain knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that my future is secure, and my eternity is claimed- that is an indescribable feeling..."

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It's far easier to get angry with God for the bad things that happen to us. I've walked that road countless times before. It's so easy to vent our frustrations on Him becoz we EXPECT Life to be smooth-sailing ALL THE TIME. But the truth is, it isn't.

It's hard for me to admit this but - Trials Do Make Us Stronger. And it's those trials that have 'forced' me to submit my life to God time & time again, telling Him: Please Lord, take charge. I'm not in control here. You are. And every time I do that, He turns my sorrow into dancing. I face my challenges knowing He'll never forsake me...

To top off my emotion-charged afternoon, I received an email response from my mum telling me she'd read my blog and was touched by the things I wrote about her. Now, Mum's not the expressive type (she's old skool) so her brief comment meant a lot to me. Call me egoistic but when I read her response, I scrolled down to re-read the entry and started tearing! Again! At my own blog entry! Bah!

I know, I have issues. So...erm, hand me a tissue! (How's that for a corny ending to an emo-filled piece, eh? Heh heh.)