Naughty or Nice?
Danielle's behaviour has been rather appalling of late. She's taken on this strange 'I-don't-like-anyone-but-my-parents' attitude. Since returning to the UK, she's been exceedingly possessive over Dennis and myself, our things, and doesn't like it when others have our attention.
If her fluctuating 'neuroses' were perpetrated on her papa or me, I might be more tolerant. But her recent behaviour has seen her rude, defiant and behaving like a downright brat to my mum (and don't get me started on her equally deplorable behaviour towards my MIL in SGP!).
And that, does NOT sit well with me. At all.
At her worst, she's 'beat' and 'admonished' my mum, brandishing her index finger (a habit she picked up from me. Oh bad, bad). Other ghastly behaviour include screaming blue murder, refusing to follow instructions, rejecting to hold my mum's hand, asking my mum to leave her bed, using hurtful words like 'Go away!', 'I don't like you!', and 'I don't want you!' (we never use the last 2 phrases on her so I'm wondering where she picked them up from? TV? School?)
We're utterly nonplussed by her recent behaviour and find it hard to marry her 2 very diverse personalities together. On one end of the spectrum, she's all manjah, eager-to-please and a sheer joy; on the other, she's a diabolic little monster who wittingly, or unwittingly hurts others with her words & actions.
We've tried different approaches to tackle this mind-boggling issue - from soft reproach to harsh reprimand- but nothing's worked so far.
I've had to apologise profusely to my mum for my daughter's atrocious behaviour. Whilst my mum's been understanding, and even tries to analyze the reasons behind it, I'm ashamed.
I've tried explaining to Danielle that grandma is 'Mummy's mummy' and that she has to treat her nicely or Mummy will be upset. She always nods her head thoughtfully, but within minutes, is at it again.
Is this yet another phase all parents have to go through? I know toddlers are a handful but are they charateristically mean to their grandparents at this age? Surely this is not normal?...
Danielle turns 3 in another 4 months. With that comes another set of milestones, another uphill task trying to 'psycho-analyze' her ever-changing moods and behaviour.
Just when I thought my SAHM status has made me know my daughter whole-hog, I'm humbled again...
On other news, I'm pleased as punch to announce that... (drumroll) Danielle's toilet-trained*?! *fingers crossed fingers crossed* We drilled her on the potty whilst in Singapore and by the 3rd week, she could announce quite proudly, 'I need to shee-shee'.
At last. Phew!
* she still wears diapers to bed and wears pull-ups when she goes out. But she doesn't wet them at all. So does this mean I'm home free? Whoopee!
2 comments:
As always a joy to read your updates and my take on Danielle's recent behaviour (whilst it is appalling & def upsetting, i can imagine..) is to continue to "teach" her that it is wrong to behave this way.
I'm sure its a passing phase & you'll be dealing with some other NEW challenges then... heehee!
Heya Syl...
I totally understand.
Kae shows these Dr. Jekyll/ Mr. Hyde tendencies too... Sunshine one minute then sheer psychosis...
His latest catch phrases are "I don't friend you any more!" ... "You always like that one!"... "Why did you raise your voice at me? I don't like it!!" (used a few times on my dad) ...sometimes followed by door slamming.
A year ago it was "I don't love you any more"... =p which doesnt come up any more. Or " I am angry with you."
Sighs... it is tricky. I dunno where he learnt his phrases from too. But yes kids have the mood swings just like us and sometimes, like us, they say the darnest or most hurtful things.
Usually when he uses these lines on me, I will tell him ok... if u dun want to be my friend itz your decision but i still love u. it does not change my stand on this issue in any way. I refuse to rail at him when he says that or say i also dun love u anymore... i think that is emotionally abusive. I make sure I tell him I love him and that I know he can be a better boy than the way he is behaving now.
I also remind him this line... be cool don't be a fool... to help him get over being angry. I advice him to go cool down first before we have a talk. If he still focuses on being angry, I use some humour or distraction... to stop the anger... and then when he has somewhat cooled down, I talk to him and we work the issues out.
Before the day starts or an activity begins, I also lay the ground rules. I find this works in gaining his co-operation coz it is fair.
Eg.
Earlier I told him before he started playing TV games that he has to stop when I say so and he can only play for a stipulated time or I will confiscate the toy (and I explained what confiscate meant). So when I went up to him later on and he honoured the promise... he even wound the wire up and kept the toy in the proper box without my asking him to.
He then told me "Mummy can you please keep this somewhere I cannot reach so when I want to play it, I have to ask for permission?" I asked him to let my Dad know so my Dad can keep it where it is convenient for him to get it for Kae when I am at work.
We were very pleased that he acted responsibly. But 15 minutes later, he wanted to play on my com and got upset when I said NO coz I needed to do work.
But instead of engaging in yellimg match, I told him I'd let him know once I was done and I'd let him have some time on the com. So he'd come in once in a while, and comment on my taking so long to do the writing... and I'd go ya. He bugged a bit but I reminded him of my deal with him.
Then when I was ready to let him play, I notified him and all was well.
I guess when we make such deals, we both learn to trust the other... He learns that he can trust Mummy and so will do his part. I learn that He can be trusted and I tell him just that. I tell him I am proud that he can keep his bargain & this makes him feel good. Esp coz he will say that has just given one more point to Jesus instead of the Devil.
I am sure you will find your way with Danielle. It took me some time, lots of patience, hair-tearing and all to find out ways to handle Kae. And even then, we still have many hiccups now and then.
ALSO... If you have to spank and/or you've say you will spank, do spank... or she will not take you seriously.
Pick the battles carefully and yea it is a battle of crazy wits at the end of the day with kids. You need to upgrade your maternal wisdom with each stage... thankfully our Daddy in Heaven says that the Holy Spirit will teach us ALL things. So dun worry. =)
HUGS... love plenty,
Geri
YAY on POTTY TRAINING! Do away with diapers soon ya? I guess if you have a little celebration and go "yay u dun have to wear diapers anymore... mummy is proud of you. Now you are a BIG GIRL and can tell us when U need to go..." She might feel excited and proud of her crossing this big milestone & make an effort to maintain her progess.
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