Goodbyes and... Hello? Are you an Academy Award- and Golden Globe-nominated actress?

Today was Cheeks' last day at nursery. I brought the camera along (like I'd ever leave home without it. Pooh!) to take snaps of Cheeks with her teachers and friends.

Suffice to say, it was bittersweet.

We were inundated with kind words from mothers wishing us the very best, bidding us farewell. Cheeks was smothered with cuddles from classmates, teachers and other non-teaching staff at school. Everyone was lovely.

Cheeks wanted to take pictures with EVERYONE. Unfortunately, some children were not at school that day, their mothers opting to start their summer holidays earlier. Sorely missing were pictures with Poppy, Sebestian, Boyd, Amelia and Maddie.

Cheeks went around announcing excitedly that she was 'going to Singapore!' and that she would be 'leaving London!' I'm glad she seems chuffed by the idea that she's going home soon. I just hope she knows she's not coming back. It's not another holiday. She won't return to this nursery after Summerbreak, nor will she see her friends, or walk through our big red door again.

+++

And now, I'd like to tell you what else we did today! I brought Cheeks to Hampstead to meet children's author, Lauren Child, of 'Charlie and Lola' fame. We trundled bumpity bump (with Cheeks in her buggy) to Daunt Books at South End Road for the book signing. It was publicised as an event to raise funds for UNICEF so I showed my support by purchasing the enhanced copy of 'That Pesky Rat'.

Cheeks meets her favourite author, Lauren Child! Woo hoo!

It was a thrill for us to see a 'minor celebrity' - albeit a children's author - so up close and personal. And Ms Child was utterly charming and down-to-earth. But very tardy! She showed up an hour late for the event. Tsk tsk! But everyone was all smiles the minute she arrived.

Hello? Hang on! Who is this I spot decked in a Vivienne Westwood-esque gingham skirt and dark glasses? Can it be? Have my prayers of finally meeting a star in celestial London been answered?

It had.

It was. Her.

I flubbered like an idiot. I asked for a photograph (what's the camera for anyway? I ask you!). I was as happy as a pig in muck because lo! She may not be Dame Judi Dench, Gwyneth Paltrow Julie Christie, or Helen Mirren Taylor (all Academy award winners), but she's still a star in her own gothic, quirky, movie right.

Behold! I present to you...

Me (grinning like a Cheshire cat) and Ms Helena Bonham-Carter!
Oh Ivory Merchant, Oh Sweeney Todd, Oh Oh!

Age of Reason

I'm one tiny step away from reaching the end of my tether, and one mammoth step closer to taking a suicidal leap into the fiery depths of (parental) Hades! Because hell, I want to be a diabolical mum!

Pardon the theatrics again. The drama mama in me cannot help rear her flamboyant head. Remember, peranakan blood yada yada yada...? Ok enough.

Lately, I've been consumed with nefarious thoughts towards my cheeky offspring.

You see, she's been acting like a rabid mule - madly stubborn. So in my mind, I've been playing out scenes that involve hitting her head *gleefully* with a skillet to render her unconscious, slinging her over my shoulder, then dropping her like a sack of potatoes infront of her school's frontgate. Leave her to the experts!

But the problem is - school. That IS her problem.

The past 72 hours have been a nightmare where taking her to nursery is concerned.

My poor ears have been subject to screams, yells, wails, howls and yowls of varying decibels. The girl's begged to be left alone, left at home. Her behaviour at the dropoff have invited horrified stares from other mums. Even the principal had to step in, the teachers had to pry her from my ankles. That was lovely day 1. Drama.

(I should not have sent her to school on the day we arrived back in London. But I thought - against better judgement - that by keeping her awake, she'd be able to shake off her jetlag quickly. Deranged is me.)

Day 2 fared no better. She began the waterworks at bathtime. Then came a litany of complaints involving Sebestian calling her 'ugly', classmates throwing things at her and calling her 'impertinent' (!!!), teachers not liking her et cetera. To be honest, I wasn't sure if she was telling the truth but decided that if she was really getting bullied, she'd just have to learn to stand up for herself. But I had a niggling feeling she was fibbing to get herself off the hook. That day, she single-handedly pulled the nursery down, brick by brick, with her screaming.

Day 3 (today). Before she can pull any stunts on me, I sit her down for a MAJOR pep talk. Tell her no amount of tears is going to make Mummy change her mind about school. If she isn't liked at school, no matter, Mummy & Papa love her. Sebestian thinks she's ugly? Poppycock, Mummy thinks she's beautiful, God made her beautiful, so she should ignore other people's comments. I tell her I know she can be brave at school and that' ll make me so proud of her. But, I hastily add that if she REALLY wants to stay at home then she' ll have to stay in her room ALL DAY and be IGNORED. Now, is that what she wants? I then leave her to her thoughts.

That had to be the clincher. Coz 10 minutes later, she walks up to me, lips quivering, blinking back tears, tells me she's sorry for making me upset, asks for a cuddle and promises she will not be difficult at nursery later .

And she wasn't. Huzzah!

Well, I've made myself sleepy writing this long post. My tenses are running all over the place and I am now stuck with no pithy ending.

Just to add...

It must be awfully unsettling for her to come back after such a fun-filled holiday. I'm just glad she finally relented and opened up to reasoning.

How long more will she bend to reasoning? I'm not sure. But I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts.

Hoooooooooooboy.

Shaky CNY Part II

Despite the frayed nerves and fretful thoughts of a (possible) burlesque performance, the session at Cheek's nursery went great.

The day saw me spending the afternoon with the children from Danielle's frontclass (a total of 22 kids). Besides leading in origami fish, I was also asked to read a CNY story ('Ling's Chinese New Year' from the nursery's library). These went off without a hitch.

The school wanted to show the children how to hold chopsticks as part of their CNY activities. They'd prepared boiled noodles for the occasion and asked if I could do a demo. Which, I had no choice but to. So as best I could, I showed the kids the right method. I'd brought Cheek's training ones along , just in case, and it ended up being a huge hit with the kids. They thrilled at how deftly they were able to pick up the noodles using those, compared to the fiddly grownup ones.

I also taught them how to say 'Gong Xi Gong Xi' which they belted out enthusiastically whilst passing mandarins to each other (I made them do this in a circle so the children passed mandarins to each other while piping the greeting). I explained the significance of ang pow giving, showed them pictures of Singapore's CNY night market, and listed different new year goodies that were consumed during the festival etc.

I was fortunate the session went well. The children were very involved, asked loads of questions, and were more attentive than I had expected them to be.

Cheeks seemed rather puffed-up by my visit, which, was kind of expected, I suppose. She stuck close to me, smugly 'reminding' her little friends at intervals that I was 'her mummy'. I had to hold myself back from being her mummy at certain points though - reigned myself in from chiding her infront of her friends when I saw her do things that would otherwise have riled me at home.

Suffice to say, it was a wonderful experience - talking and interacting with Cheek's schoolmates, gathering insights to their wonderfully diverse personalities, picking subtle charateristics through their words/actions. Some children stuck out more than others, of course. And my favourites, if I may be allowed to reveal them here, were: Maddie (for being exceedingly precocious), Venus (for being the most inquisitive and enthusiastic) and lastly, sweet 4YO Poppy (for simply being a darling and the only girl to choose baby blue origami paper.)

the school dedicated 2 whole boards to
Chinese New Year

this side of the board shows the activities I did with the kids last Thurs.

A close up.
In this pix : Cheeks, Hannah, Sebestian & Boyd

my 15 minutes of 'fame' ;P

A shaky start to the (Chinese) New Year

I have been asked to appear in the buff to a raucous 20-odd strong audience. My buck naked performance is scheduled for tomorrow, from 1pm.

I am an insane kamikaze who's landed myself in an uncomfortable predicament. I have promised to show up, lend my support towards 'the cause', so it's improbable I can back out from it now.

By the way, did I mention my audience is just over a metre tall, and between the ages of 3 & 4?

Yes. I've been asked to speak at Cheek's school. About Chinese New Year! Oh the horror!

Public speaking is not my forte. I don't care how old you are, whether you're male/female, heck, I could be addressing a group of 5 individuals and I'd still feel the heebie-jeebies! (not to mention feel like I'm giving an address in sheer nakedness!)

Exposés aside ...How do I intend to depict Chinese New Year? Let's see. I've prepared:

1. A toy broom (to show that we clean the house before the NY, sweep away the bad luck, that sort of thing...)
   
2. 2 mandarin oranges (as is a custom)
   
3. Assorted ang pows (need I elaborate?)
   
4. A pair of chopsticks (they want me to show them how to use it to pick at noodles. Good grief, I don't even hold it right!)
   
5. The Official Map of Singapore (2006 version, in Mandarin. To show the bright lights of Chinatown)
6. Chocolate coins in red packets as a sweet treat for each child to take away at Hometime.
   
7. This:

For the past half hour, I have been folding and creasing origami paper. I'm going to show the kids how to make origami fish because '年年有餘', get it? And yes, I am fully aware origami is a Japanese thingamy but hey, if it's listed as a CNY craft activity on a kiddy website, that's all right by me.

I recognize my own shortcomings in the creative department so I've no choice but to resort to websites like this over the Internet. But bless 'em all for being life-savers!

Anyhew, wish me luck. I sure do need it this Chinese New Year!

(Oh, and I hope the kids enjoy the session with the jittery 'nudie Mummy'!)

*heart kerplonking wildly*

In submission

There's no use fighting it - once a Singaporean, always a Singaporean.

With another 6 months to go before we return to our sunny isle, I have already seen to it that Cheeks is on the waitlist for a very popular kindergarten, and secured a place in another. And, I'm still surfing the internet for better schools.

I'm trying hard not to, yet I can't help myself - I am morphing into a kiasu mum.

Lochinvar Oct 2 2006 ~ 20 Jul 2007

I once did a personality test on Blogthings and trivial as the test was, I thought it was spot on when it revealed: ...also nostalgic, you rarely forget a meaningful moment... even those from long ago.

++++++

Tomorrow is Danielle's last day at Lochinvar Pre-school Playhouse.

The school's closing for the summer. When it resumes on Sept 4, Danielle will not be amongst the children returning for a new term.

This September, she'll begin a fresh term at another nursery.

It is not without a tinge of sadness that we say goodbye to the school we've both grown very attached to these past 10 mths. It's proven to be an excellent playschool for Danielle. She's made lots of friends, enjoyed 2-odd hours of educational, creative, energetic playtime, 5 times a week. Through their 'cooking sessions', she experienced many 1sts -- she made her 1st-ever pita bread ensemble, hand and foot sandwich, baked wheatbuns, and dabbled in cookie/muffin decorating.

She painted, drew, coloured, glued, cut, stamped and playdoh-ed. So much so that I amassed a huge collection of all her artwork and used them as 'wallpaper' in her room.

They went on cool excursions like the one to the Natural History Museum, and warm, intimate ones like the Teddy Bears Picnic last week. They oohed and ahhed together when the fire brigade, the dentist, and the police popped by the nursery for a visit.

She attended costume parties, celebrated special occasions (Christmas, CNY, Diwali, St Georges's Day) and competed on Sports Day.

The funny thing is, Lochinvar wasn't even on my list of potential schools when I was busy scouting for playschools last year. I'd just happened to walk pass it on my way home from a nursery viewing. When I peered through the window, what greeted me was a sea of smiley, grinning faces. And I was absolutely and utterly beguiled. Then I thought to myself -- a playschool filled with happy, smiley children must be doing something right.

I never regretted my decision.

the window that clinched it for me

In this post, I thought it befitting to leave a picture of Danielle taken on her first day of school. In it, she weeps tears of anxiety, knowing school would separate her from Dee and me.

don't leave me...

If she only knew that tomorrow was the last time she'd play and interact with her fav Mandy (the teacher who works on her most), Jo, Teresa and Sandra. I'd wager a guess that her sentiments would be exactly as it was on her first day.

Kinda funny how things go a full circle.

Tomorrow is Danielle's last day at Lochinvar, so this is me remembering the moment for her lest she forgets. This is me remembering the moment so I never forget.

Here's a tribute to the wonderful school where Danielle laughed, played and blossomed...

Note to self:
The little friends Danielle leaves behind: Bunmi, Alexi, Leo, Tom, Joseph, Muhamed, Isabella, Valentin,Ramon, Shakira, Toby, Lola, Aaron, Anthony, Stuart, Phoebe, Hosan, Elliot, Zak, Dorothy, Amber, Ryan

The little friends moving to the same nursery in Sept: Hannah Leung, Hannah-Grace, Jamie, Mathew

Read, set, phweeeet!

Danielle had her first ever Sports Day today. It was held on the bowling greens at Clapham Common, near the tennis courts.

I must say, it was brilliantly organised by her playschool. The kids had tons of fun competing in the various races. I laughed so hard at some of their antics, I'm certain I've raptured a vessel somewhere!

Some things I found out about my daughter's dexterity (or the apparent lack of) - whilst she's not adept at balancing things on her head (yet? or not ever?), she certainly delivers a powerful KICK!

Take a look!

THE STOMPING GROUND

If the 1st day of the week is characteristically known as Manic Monday, then the 2nd has to be Tumultuous Tuesday. Well, at least it was, yesterday...

Remember the rather off-beat poem that goes:

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe
She had so many children, she didn't know what to do.
She gave them some broth without any bread,
Then whipped them all soundly and put them to bed.

I say 'off-beat' becoz I've always thought it an oddity to promulgate such acts of discipline (read: child abuse) in a childrens' nursery rhyme. Furthermore, it 'exposes' children to the realities of life - an old, single parent with obviously NO means of birth control, no wonder she's highly-strung! And let's not get started on why she's subjecting her children to such deplorable living conditions! I mean, why live in a shoe, for crying out loud?

But I digress...

Today, I read this nursery rhyme with new-found understanding and empathy.

Hell, it ain't easy juggling that many kids. So old woman, I salute thee.

Callous as this is going to sound but when you're out with 20 children, you too, would be tempted to 'whip' them into order!

And such were the thoughts that flooded my mind (389,280,201 times!) as I tried to compose myself, surrounded by Danielle and her other little primates playmates who were having the most RIOTOUS time at the Natural History Museum.

This, is how it is on a (nursery) school excursion...

By a stroke of luck, Danielle's nursery organised an all-expense paid trip to the Natural History Museum on Tuesday. Thank goodness we didn't bring Danielle to the exhibition the last time! We go in for free now! Hoorah!

We were told to gather at school at 9:15am. Children who, like Danielle, attend school part-time, had to be accompanied by a parent. So including myself, there were 4 other parents participating in the excursion. Us sad ol' victims.

(Cute boy clad in the yellow anorak is Leo. Bunmi is the little black girl in the 2nd row. They were Danielle's unfortunate 'victims', remember?)

The kids were in high-spirits knowing they were going on a field trip. After waiting for the last child to arrive, we finally set off at 9:40am.

Now, if you've been out with children before, you'd know it takes FOREVER to take them anywhere. Coupled with the fact that none of the children were on buggies/pushchairs, it took us 20 minutes to lug them to the Tube station, another 40 min to haul them onto the Tube (we changed at 2 stations, walked up a million steps to different platforms!). When we finally arrived at the Museum, it was 11am! Phew!

Once at the Museum, we made a bee-line for the 'Dino Jaws' exhibition. Danielle was quivering with excitement, especially since I've been reading her Ian Whybrow's Harry and the Bucketful of Dinosaurs. She couldn't wait to see T-Rex, Triceratops, and Stegosaurus 'in the flesh'!

I think she was a little disappointed to see more dino bones than the real McCoy (well, she wouldn't be able to since they lived 230 million yrs ago, but you know what I mean) but cheered when she saw a lifelike moving T-Rex. I think that was the ONLY highlight for the kids! It was so lifelike, its penetrating stare was just a little unnerving...

Half an hour into the exhibition, some of the kids started getting restless. They slumped over showcases/exhibits, rolled on the floor, started wandering away from the group, started whining and whinging etc... Most of us parents had to double up as 'carers' for other children since the more eyes we had on each child, the better. So, I often found myself dragging Danielle with one hand, and some other kid with the other, to keep up with the rest. And because each child walks at a different pace, it was simply EXHAUSTING trying to get each of them to catch up with the other.

By lunchtime, all the adults had a slightly glazed look in their eyes. Everyone was flat out. Lunch was a welcome respite for us and between feeding the children, and ourselves, we exchanged niceties and bemoaned the 'trials and tribulations' of motherhood. I really respect some of the mothers I met that day - so many of them are mothers to 2 or more children(!!!) - I found myself slightly in awe of how they juggle it all. Just HOW do they do it??!

And I found myself asking the question: Can I do it too? *shudder*

After the last mouth was wiped clean and their clothes given a dusting-off, we bundled the kids to the Mammals Exhibit. Stayed there for another 1/2 hour or so before declaring the excursion O-V-E-R. The kids were starting to get cranky and irritable - reasons enough for the adults to take to their heels and get the hell outta there!

Caroline (Zack's mummy), Margo's au pair and I opted to take the bus instead of the Tube. We figured it would be a lot more leisurely. It turned out to be a fantastic alternative because with less kids, and thus less strength in numbers, the 3 kids behaved themselves a lot better. Margo & Danielle had a swell time playing with each other's Triceratops during the bus ride.

And they were even cheerful enough to pose pretty at the bus stop. So here are Margo, Danielle and Zack posing genially after an eventful (but absolutely exhausting) school excursion!

Let's hope my recent streak of pandemonium* ends its run today. I'm in dire need for a Wonderful, not Wretched or Wired-Up Wednesday!

* Monday was absolutely manic coz Danielle threw up, not once, but TWICE. Had to do a MAJOR clean up and the launder the bedding! Oh, the whiffs and the pong!
** Oh, and a Happy Valentine's Day to all! *muuuuacks*

Love xxoo, Saggs & Danielle

Aggressive Behaviour

On Tuesday, Teresa pulled me aside and in hushed tones, told me Danielle had yanked someone's hair and shoved him to the ground.

I was mortified and apologised profusely for her appalling behaviour, asking then who that boy was so I might apologise to his parents.

But Teresa refused to divulge who the child was. Instead she told me not to worry about it - the boy wasn't hurt and Danielle had been given a talking-to by Jo.

I hung my head in shame, embarrassed by my own daughter's behaviour. And Teresa, probably sensing my dismay, told me that it was common 2YO behaviour and Danielle was just being over-territorial. She'd hit the boy because they both wanted to sit in the same toy car.

Nonetheless, I gave Danielle a pep talk when we got home. I asked her whether she'd done what Teresa said she had. She admitted to the misdeeds and when questioned who her victim was, she gave me 2 names - Leo & Bunmi! Horrors! There were not 1, but 2 casualties?!!!

I sat her on my lap and told her very, VERY firmly she was NOT to repeat her actions. It wasn't nice, and she should be good & kind to everybody. Her actions also made Mummy sad.

When Dee came home from work, I told him the distressing news and he, too, reiterated our dismay towards her behaviour.

My sis says it's not unusual for children her age to be territorial and aggressive towards each other. This is the age where 'mine' and 'me' take precedence.

It may not be such a bad thing that Danielle is able to fend for herself, instead of being a pushover. Still, the thought of my own daughter 'victimizing' another child just doesn't sit well with me, 'positive' attributes notwithstanding.

Perhaps I should look at it from the other side of the coin - what if Danielle was the 'victim' instead? How would I feel? What actions would I take? Would it be easier to instill values of giving & sharing, or teach a child to be bold, and stand up for herself?

Hmmm...

In the meantime, I hope she got what we were trying to drive at. And that the 'bully' in her doesn't strike again tomorrow... or ever.

Daniellosaurus: Raaaaaah!

A Trifle Update

2 morning slots became available and Teresa asked whether I'd be interested to place Danielle in the AM sessions at Lochinvar instead?

I jumped at the chance coz I thought it might 'cure' Danielle of her cranky spells in the afternoon. I suspect some of the times she's teary going to school is because she's simply pooped out. So starting 2007, she'll attend morning school on Mondays and Fridays. Thursday remains a PM session.

Today was Danielle's first day at the AM session. And thankfully, she had no problems settling in.

Only 'glitch' now is - I'm looking at possibly 8 ~9 hours of 'after school' entertaining !!! (as opposed to breaking the day with school in between)

Oh god, what have I done? *smack on head*

* Got this coat for a steal at Zara. Danielle looks smart in it, doesn't she?

TODAY

Today you had no problems getting dressed
Today you said, 'I want to go to school.'
Today you asked for your school bag
Today you shed nary a tear when prammed to school
Today you waited patiently for the school gates to be opened
Today you couldn't wait to have your coat taken off
Today you no longer clung on
Today you waved and said, 'Goodbye Mummy!'

But today, silly mummy ached that you've finally let go...

No More Tears!

Hear ye, Hear ye!

Let it be known that on the 16th day of the 11th month in the year two thousand and six, nary a tear was shed when wee Danielle was brought to nursery! Hooray! *star jumps and cartwheels*

It's taken her 6 HARROWING weeks to finally 'settle in' so fingers crossed that today's not a 'once-off' show of bravery.

Even more stumping was the blasé attitude she displayed as she walked into school. As the nursery door opened, she greeted everyone with a sprightly 'Hello Everybody!', promptly removed her jacket and without a word of goodbye, trotted into the playroom to join the rest of her little friends.

It was a jaw-dropping moment for ALL of us - me, other mummies familiar with her teary episodes, and the Lochinvar staff.

It's been 6 weeks of clinging onto mummy's legs, 6 weeks of crying piteously, 6 weeks of calling out 'Mummy, Mummy!'.

Whilst today marks Danielle's first day of independence to nursery, it also marks my first day of letting go...

Clara's Day 2 (Life in the Heartland)

As Danielle had to attend school at 1230 (noon) today, I decided to bring Clara around the neighbourhood to let her experience a bit of 'heartland living' as I saw it.

We started the morning with a bus trip (the G1) to Northcote Road, the much-loved shopping district for people living in the Wandsworth, Balham and Clapham vicinity. Had a looksy at the quaint shops along Northcote then headed to ASDA (The UK version of Walmart), where we popped in for some groceries. Clara insisted on cooking for us tonight so we bought some beef for the stew she wanted to prepare. On the way home, Clara caught her first glimpse of Danielle in her 'Monster Hyde' persona. Her crankiness began unexpectedly on the bus and in short... well, at least a friend's now seen Danielle at one of her 'worst'. :P

We walked Danielle to school together and Clara got to witness 'first-hand' Danielle's weepiness when left in school. Think she found it rather incredulous how the little one could 'switch' between emotions so quickly. Anywayz, Clara took 'incriminating' photos of Danielle to document the moment so if anyone's interested, ask her to show them to you when she's back in Singapore! :P After dropping Danielle off, we took a bus to Tooting Bec. We bought some Asian groceries for the Thai meal (not again??!) I'm preparing tomorrow, and visited Primark where she picked up a fantastic wolly jacket. Extremely value for money! We also bought fresh figs for a steal at 20 for 2 pounds! Clara's never tried fresh figs so I told her she HAD to try them! She fell in love with them at first 'bite'! Now she wants to bring a whole crate home!

Also brought her to Sainsbury's, TESCO, M&S, Woolworths, and some of the thrift shops I frequent here. I'd say she's seen almost all the places I visit on a weekly basis, sans the library. Didn't think it warranted a visit. She absolutely LOVES the supermarkets & has started to fill her luggage with all sorts of junk food!

Dinner was late as Mr Chan was a little caught up at work. But it was well worth the wait coz her beef stew was fab! Chunks of succulent beef in rich gravy made with red wine, Worchestershire sauce and a sprinkle of dried herbs; then stewed together with big onions, potatoes and carrots. Perfect comfort food for an extremely cold night! Speaking of which, we've started using gloves when going out. The winds are getting so chilly our hands are numb from the bitter cold! Brrrrr....

Danielle & the Proud Pita...

Actually, the 'smug' one's Danielle, not the pita. Kekeke.

Every Fri, Lochinvar runs a cooking session for the little tots. Part of the curriculum to teach the children about diff kinds of food and healthy eating. So after school today, Danielle proudly showed off her 'creation' - pita stuffed with lettuce and cheese.

Even though all the ingredients are ready made, I couldn't help swelling up with pride? She stuffed her own pita! Now isn't that something? :)










* I knew that pita didn't stand a chance. She admired him lovingly for a couple of minutes, then chomp, chomp, munch! And he was gone...

:P

Down Hysteria Lane...

Latest update on what I now term 'Danielle's School Blues'.

She's taken to whimpering whenever we go out, thinking I'm packing her off to school. No worse, she starts crying when I'm changing her out of her clothes! Her waterworks only stop when she realises we're heading in a different direction, or when we go past, not turn into, the road leading to her 'perdition'.

Yes, it seems her 'topo' skills are in top form. Papa will be most proud...*roll eyes*

Today, the minute our buggy swung round the bend into Oldridge Road, she started howling piteously. The teacher had to literally 'peel' her away from me...

You know those tear-jerking movies that show lovers being (cruelly) separated? Or action flicks where some 'calla fare' (which language gave birth to this word? Cantonese? How the heck do you spell it?) hangs precariously off a cliff/building trying desperately to grasp onto something, anything??! Well today, I felt as though one such scene was being played infront of me.

My daughter, the proteganist, frantically tries to cling onto her 'saviour' (played by none other than yours truly). Despite her best efforts, she manages to only 'brush fingertips' with me before she's viciously consumed by the flames of 'Nursery Hell'!!!

So much for my bit of 'drama'. Let's see how the plot unravels next week. Hopefully, with a happier ending? *Fingers crossed*

School Progress Report (Day 3)

It rained the WHOLE day today. And to add to the v depressive weather, was almost late in sending Danielle to nursery. She needed to make 'doo-doo' at the last minute! As usual, she went 'undercover' but the minute I heard her straining 'grunts', I gave her marching orders to use her potty. After that, we scrambled like mad out of the door!

Ran all the way, with her in pram to Lochinvar. Poor dear started crying when we reached the gates. She knew exactly what was going to happen next... Left her distraught in the hands of her teacher, Teresa. Then hurried home in the rain, frazzled and upset.

You know, it's kinda bittersweet having your child unwilling to let go of you, or have you out of sight? On the one hand, you want her to be independant. On the other, it feels so darrrrrn good to be wanted, needed?

Don't know how I'll feel when she finally skips to school, and gives that dismissive wave that seems to say, 'it's all right, I don't need you to accompany me. You can go home now, Mummy'.

It's ironical, I know. Blame it on sentimentality. Sigh...

I'm so going to miss these days when being her Mummy... is being her all.

School Progress Report (Day 2) - Parting is such sweet sorrow...

Walked Danielle to school this afternoon.

Today being her 2nd time at nursery*, I wanted to ensure she felt loved & secure before we parted for 2.5 hrs again. Figured a walk would do the trick since walking side by side (& hand in hand) fosters greater interaction as opposed to hollering to the back of her head while she sits in her pram (or 'pushchair' as they term my S$50 el-cheapo foldable here).

As we approached Lochinvar, I gently told her that Mummy would be saying 'byebye' and leaving her in school so she can learn & play with other little kids. I promised to 'be back very soon'. She paused to think, and got the message. Then as though internal alarm bells were going off inside her, she quickly turned her heel, pointed to the opposite direction (away from school) and pleaded, 'Mummy, this way, this way!'!

Sorry kiddo, it's no go this time... or in fact, every time you go to school. You have to learn.

As I bundled her in my arms, she started whimpering. Then when I opened the gate to the school compound, big tears starting welling in her eyes and rolling down her cheeks. Short of wailing, she clung to me for dear life as I struggled to loosen myself from her grasp. Apologetically, I 'warned' the teachers at school that she'd be a handful today. And perhaps tomorrow, and perhaps, even the next day... :(

I wonder how long it'll be before she gets adjusted to school? I cannot begin to express how heart-breaking it is, leaving a disconsolate child. Talk about having your 'parent popularity rating' plummet to an 'all-time low' - that's how I feel with every teary episode. But as my erudite father puts it, 'we have to be cruel, to be kind'. So even though her tears impale me, I MUST remain firm and resolute. Waaah, but heart pain, heart pain...

My sis reckons it could take up to 2 weeks for Danielle to settle in. She says Hui was the same during her time. Although I know Danielle will eventually 'get there', I can't help but wish the process could be less painful - for both of us?

When I went to pick her up, I quietly peered through the door first. Saw Danielle happily getting her fruit ration from one of the teachers. The minute she saw me, she burst straight into tears, again! She scampered to my side and in between sobs, showed me her slice of orange and her new grasshopper sticker. Poor girl must have been overwhelmed by emotion that I came back to 'rescue her'. Teacher says this is a common reaction with all new kids. (Chk out the pix on the right, if you look closely, you can still see a remnant tear from the afore-mentioned 'rescue mission')

My reward for today's 'bravery' (or should I say, ordeal)?

Danielle, Mummy's gonna let you peel eggs again, ok? Feel better already?
:))

* Danielle has sessions on Mon, Thurs and Fri weekly.

A Letter to My Daughter

My dearest Danielle

Today was your first day at school! The school Mummy chose for you is Lochinvar Pre-School Playhouse down Oldridge Road, not far from our house.

Although today was your BIG DAY, Mummy ended up being more jittery than you! In fact, Mummy was nervous a WHOLE week back! Yes, your Mummy has 'issues' (learn this term, you might use it alot next time! Haha!)

As Mummy put the little hippo bag (containing extra diapers & a change of clothes for your teachers) on your shoulders, it dawned on me that you're REALLY growing up! You know those times when Mummy gets frustrated with you when your having one of your 'moments'? Despite that, I will sorely miss you at this age. You bring alot of joy to Mummy and Papa's lives, you know that?

Papa even took the morning off just to see you to school. You're one lucky girl to have both Mummy and Papa walk you to school today. :)

I think you knew you were going to be 'dropped off' when we walked into the school compound. You clung onto Mummy's legs and were v careful not to let Papa or Mummy out of your sight. Astute little girl, aren't you?

Soon it was time for us to go. We had to leave you there so you can learn to play with other little kids and have fun. We accompanied you for a little while during 'Story Time', but the minute you were not looking, we crept away. We soon heard you howling for us but heart-wrenching though it was, we took great pains resisting going back to comfort you. But it made Papa and Mummy's heart ache to hear you cry...

As Mummy and Papa walked home, we kept thinking how scared you must be, hugging your school bag, and not understanding why we'd left you. Did you think we would not come back for you?

2.5 hrs later, it was time for us to fetch you. We practically ran to the school. Not sure whether the rush was more to 'rescue' you or to 'save' ourselves from all that anxiety! The teacher told us you took quite awhile to settle down and that you cried for a rather long time. :( But when Papa and Mummy went to get you from the play area, we were happy to see you jumping on the trampoline with another little friend. It made us very happy to see you enjoying yourself & having fun.

My favourite moment that day was when you sighted Mummy at the gate. Your whole face lit up & you bounded towards me and leapt into my arms! So manjah! After that, it was all kisses and hugs between us! Later, I asked you whether you enjoyed school and you said, 'Ya'. You also told me you 'ate pizza at school'. That's good!

You must've been exhausted from your first day coz you quickly dozed off as Mummy wheeled you home. As I carried you up the steps to our house, Mummy thought how proud I was that you 'survived' your first day at school. I know you will soon make many friends and have lots of fun!

But even as you grow bigger day by day, I want you to know that you'll always be Mummy's little girl, Mummy's little 'boo-boo'. :)

xxoo

Mummy
2 Oct 2006