No man or woman is worth your tears. And the one that is, won't make you cry.
After everything was said & done --
some words. better left unspoken
some memories. better left forgotten
some hearts. better left unbroken
some people. better left...
- For a dear friend -
Imagine if you will - me, with a tie-dyed scarf wrapped around ma head, yellow-tinted glasses, long wooden beads strung round my giraffe-esque neck. Oh, let's not forget a limp, floppy afro (becoz let's face it - my hair's so darn thick there's no way in hell I can hold up this 'formation').
I'm a vision of PEACE. LOVE. and... omigosh, omigosh, I can scarcely say it -- FREEDOM!
I'm giving y'all the hand-gesture of peace even while I type. Oh yes, sweet, sweet, sweet solitude.
Danielle's snoring behind me. She's asleep, at 7PM. *neon lights flashin'*
I'm pinching myself in disbelief, I am.
For the past 2~3 weeks, I've been maxing out the hours of the afternoon with Danielle. We make trips to the One O'clock club. We feed ducks. We trawl the supermarket. We enjoy free babycinnos at Starbucks (I'm a paying customer of course!). We visit the local libraries, or another common.
We also meet families for playdates. And that's been rather productive of late. We've met new families, in addition to Makiko and Dan, Silke and Nelson. There's Yuki, Yumiko (Yuki's mum) and baby Kai, Yemi and Bunmi, and yesterday, we went to Tooting Common with Leo and his mum, Justine.
colouring wth Yuki, who's 4 and is half Jap/ English.
Bunmi & Danielle, expending all their energy. Woot woot!
PEACE!This week saw Danielle making a mammoth leap into the world of literacy! She can manage the letters 'D', 'A', 'I' and a funny looking B at the moment. And her drawings are no longer confined to bodyless heads with asymmetrical faces. They come attached with bodies and limbs! Whoop whoop whoop! :)
Watch!
I've been feeling rather broody. I could put it down to a case of raging hormones that occur every month, but I suspect it's the news of births and pregnancies that have heightened my senses for all things babyish & maternal.
I get all giggly and coo-ish when I see a newborn, and I ogle at expectant mums with their orblike bellies, all bulbous and beautiful. Going off tangent for a mo, don't you think pregnant bellies closely resemble shiny bald pates? Makes one itch to give 'em a good rub-a-dub-dub. Heh.
I've been surfing for baby girl names over the internet, and that's become another fav past time. It's sooo difficult finding another nice-sounding D name though. Especially one with a strong meaning attached. So far, I've scoured through heaps of eeky-sounding ones like: Damica, Delmira, or what about Dayanara, which spine-chillingly means 'husband slayer'?! Who, in their right mind, would name their child that?!!
Without going into coital details (dad/mum, I hope you're NOT reading this!), Dee and I have been rather fruitless in our attempts at creating bébé deux. Every month, I wait with bated breath in the hope that I'll not have to slap on my 30p value sanitary pad. But up to this moment, it's been peel, slap and errm, adjust.
At night, while Danielle lies all curled up and sleeping, I hold her hands in mine and try to recall how much smaller those hands were when she was a wee bub. Then lament that she has my rough, liney hands. I take a whiff of her hair and it smells of the fruity sweetness of her kiddy shampoo, not the milky peachy (methinks it's Johnson's Baby Bathgel) scent of a newborn.
Whilst I love Danielle at this age (or any age for that matter!), I yearn for another mini me. Or another mini dee.
I know everything has its place and time. So I hold onto Hope and Faith that God will provide. That is, if He so wishes... :)
danielle, a day old :)
danielle's hand @ 3mthsI've been cracking my head for months over the name of this 90's UK band. After countless futile searches on various music websites, I finally located them on a blogmusic site. Oh happy day!
I've added their songs to my Favourite Playlist on YouTube and they're playing on my computer like a broken record.
TGIF all!
NO MORE TALK - DUBSTAR
Talking is useless when your cards have all been shown
I'll make you feel bitter and I'll never use the phone
'cos I'm not the kind of person soft enough to cry
I'm not the kind of person to hide when I can fight
So breakout now let the feelings out and take the blame away
and leave the past for another day
please no more talk today
'cos I'm not the kind of person who likes to hang around
I'm not the kind of person to sympathise with self indulgence
breakout now let the feelings out and take the blame away
and leave the past for another day
please no more talk today
Talking is stupid now my interest has flown
I'll make you feel useless if you call me on the phone
breakout now let the feelings out and take the blame away
and leave the past for another day
please no more talk today
* their song 'Stars is also a good listen. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bm1e1j3YEHQ
This space is fast becoming a bulletin board for births. Did I mention 2007 is THE year for babies? Sure I did. And let me tell you, these piglets are popping out faster than I can say 'Oink!'
This entry is particularly close to my heart as the precious bundle of joy is Clarissa Tay. My niece. Also the third and latest (last?!) addition to my wonderful sister Viv's family.
I just received her photos via email today. The Tays are still in Australia post-birth and probably enjoying the winter there, snuggling up close together. Looking at the photos made me smile, and made my heart swell with pride just that bit more...
I could not ask for better, or more for my sis. She deserves every bit of the blessings our Father has bestowed on her and her family. I've never been prouder than I am today - an Ah Yee to 3 lovely little girls, and a sister to a wonderful mother, sister, person, friend.
This place in time? It's slowly climbing up the charts as my favourite family moment.
my fav 3 roses
the ever-loving Tay familyIn a span of 2 weeks, I've become not only an Ah Yee (for the 3rd time over!) but also Aunty Saggs.
I wanted to combine the announcement of both births in this entry. But seeing I only have 1 baby's picture and not the other, well... let's focus our attentions on the boy first. :)
World, welcome lil' Jared Ong (Weng Zhe Rui)!
Born: 8:31am, 18 June 2007 (38 weeks)
Weight: 3.3kg
Height: 48cm
Parents: Dearest B & Papa Jo.
Papa's lil boy... he looks JUST like his dad! 
another birth I missed. darnations. 
Motherhood came slowly for me. By that I mean I didn't embrace it as quickly as I thought I would.
People were always telling me, Saggs, you're 'Mum' material, or that I had motherly instincts, that I hover around people like a clucky hen. Everyone was certain I'd be a great mum. And secretly, I thought I would slip into the role easy-peasy.
But I didn't.
Throughout the course of my life, I've worn different hats, taken on diverse roles. I am/was a daughter, sister, friend, ah yee, aunty, tuition teacher, employee, colleague...all of which I took on with gumption. But a mother? That, was my jagged little pill.
After my maternity leave, I dived straight back to work and soon became a Weekend Mum - one who left her baby with the parents'/in-laws - visiting twice a week (sometimes ONCE!) and bringing the bub home only on the weekends. Even when I switched to a more relaxing job, I chose to remain a Weekend Mum.
Oh, I know I was judged for it. Especially by aunties (not my relations, thank God!), fellow mums, even friends and family members couldn't help but voice their disapproval at my apparent 'lack of commitment' to my child. But at that time, weekends were all I could manage. I hadn't fully embraced how my life had changed and I didn't know how to handle another life. Hell, I still struggle to handle my own life properly, what more that of another?
So baby steps, safe steps I took. All the way till mid 2006 when I decided to take that ginormous plunge into being a full-time mother. What's more, in a foreign country! I didn't know whether I could do it. I know some were holding their breaths, their hearts palpitating wildly, wondering whether I'd suffer a meltdown.
Which, I probably did. But I learned from it.
And I didn't give up. Or more accurately, I didn't have a chance to give up.
I still have bad 'mothering' days (yesterday being the closest to date!) but I'm a little less unsure, just a tad more confident, and I read my daughter's temperaments better. But I still struggle to put her needs first in my life. And I still harbour countless flaws.
I took a long time to embrace Motherhood. Yet, it steathily managed to wiggle its way into my life, and find a resting place in my heart.
Today, I love my daughter more than I ever did. I know she loves me back. And this love we share? It's all that matters.
I could be Sophie Ellis Bextor and do a celebratory groove now that I've got blood on my hands.
I walked into the kitchen today and while clearing the trash, found the lifeless, rigor carcass of the scuttleboo we've spent weeks trying to nail.
It wasn't a pretty sight. Altho, that didn't deter me from taking ONE photo to 'commemorate' the macabre victory.
I had thought I'd feel more elated now that we've finally put an end to days finding our trash bags nibbled through and little lumps of mouse poo along the kitchen tops. But I didn't.
In fact, I'm feeling pretty awful because I realised that mouse was a mum. How did I know? Her nipples were erect the way that showed she was nursing young.
She was a mum. And now I can't get over the fact that I killed a mummy mouse .
In the whole scheme of things, this would constitute a double victory: 1. I killed a pest, 2. I killed off her scion's one and only food source.
I related the incident to Dee over the phone, and even he had to agree that it was 'kinda sad'.
Also, I'm wondering whether mammals have the same vindictive, revengeful reflex as us humans. Every time I walk into the kitchen now, I half expect a legion of mice to lunge at my feet in a vicious attack to avenge her death?
*shudder*
How better to tell you guys 'we're moving!' then to feature 5ive out of a gazillion boxes I've packed. So far.
I hate moving. There - I said it. I told myself I wouldn't utter those 3 negative words but I can't help myself. This irksome 'exercise' floats precariously above my pet peeve - the sound of styrofoam against each other. Now you didn't know that, DID you? :)
Today, I cleared 4 shelves, emptied 1 drawer, and I asked the Tesco staff what time was best for me to collect boxes before they shred them for recycling -- 8 friggin' AM!
Wait a mo, I AM awake at that time? Hip hip hoorah. dah.
We're moving to Lynn Road 4 days before my bday. Which means I'll be celebrating ma 32nd at the new pad, with unpacked boxes to pry open that ain't my presents. Whoop-hoop-pee, I can't wait. I think I'm going to throw me a birthday bash as a reward for the sh*t I'm ploughing through. I'm thinking 'Animal Theme' and will invite my sassy lil' primate and my rotund long-suffering buffalo. I'll throw in some Guinness. It'll like that.
What? You thought I meant Dee?!! Puh-lease.... doo doo dee doo.
Hey hey, waddya know. I didn't think I could make snide remarks while blogging but here's evidence! Sorry if I sound a little disgruntled here. I hate moving. Baah, said it again.
Lynn Road's officially 'off' the market now that we've surrendered our 600 pound deposit. We'll need to pay another 200ish pounds to have the place professionally cleaned. There's also the first month rent to pay upfront. And oh, 170 pounds to get a moving company (1 man with 1 van) to help move some of the big items. Where does that leave us? Ah yes, that gorgeous B word. BROKE, BUST, BEGGERS?
(Mel in one of her Yoda-ish moments says this is God's way of telling me I 'have to save'. That, I like.)
I've also had to tell Silke we can't make it to her Berlin wedding coz we simply do not have the moolah for it. I could not find the right words to break the bad (see, another B word! Bah!) news to her. I had hoped to see her in the stunning Pronovias gown we went shopping for.
It's no wonder I've been muttering alot of good words today. But it ain't a pretty soliloquy, I must confess. To cushion the mounting angst I feel, Dee has (or had since he's been using this since, oh I don't know, time immemorial?) concocted a new cuss word to be suitably used in moments like this.
What.the.FISH! As opposed to using that which rhymes with...
Duck... and her cutie ducklings! Danielle and I saw this quack-quacking family by the Clapham Common pond today. Aren't they precious? Tee hee hee.
It's a much more civilized word to use, yes? My Dee, he's genteel that way.
Speaking of 'da man', I'm distraught. Dee's left for a course at Windsor and won't be back till Wednesday. Fish! I need a cuddle!
But having him away is somewhat 'timely' coz fish fisheroo!... Asian Banana sent me a whole stack of Grey's Anatomy all da way from DOWN UNDA last week! Whole Seasons! 1 ~3! You're a fishin' good mate, A.B! Hug hug hug!
After ironing out the kinks and downloading the right software, I'm ready to head for Melancholy Central!!! (or so says Chum).
I think I've got all the ammunition I need: tissues, check. pillow in arms, check. snack within arm's reach, check. I'm poised and ready to dab!
Oh fish. I don't think I'll be sleepin' today.
taken Oct 2006, taken May 2007Say, did I mention I hadn't seen the Gaskarth unit till Tuesday (5 June, Happy belated again, NY Jo!)? When I put up the post on sizing our selection down to 2 units, I hadn't seen G house yet. We knew it was already on the market, but the agents hadn't brought us round coz they hadn't gotten the keys from the procrastinating landlord.
Anywayz, Tues came and after a short coffee with our neighbours, Emma and baby Jack, we skipped over (it is, afterall, ONE street away) to view the apartment.
Shivermetimbers! Put a hood over me! Strike me (temporarily) blind! It was - as the Brits would put it - RUBBISH.
It was a such a stinker, I tell you. And I mean it, literally. It reeked of something I-can't-even-put-my-finger-on-it FOUL.
Dirty carpets, make-shift/broken furniture, red torn fabric for curtains... it's a place only an untidy grown man could live in. And slap me silly, waddya know, it's inhabited by not one, but 3 grown, sloppy men! Urrrrgggh!
I could go on and on and on and on... using different adjectives to describe the squalid! decrepit! dilapidated! shabby! conditions. But let's geddoverit and move on.
As you'd expect, I didn't take any pictures of Gaskarth. I was honestly too embarrassed to show the world where '3 little pigs' lived. I now know why the estate agents didn't post more pictures of the unit on their website. The kitchen IS the best part of the house?!!
So I guess this means only one 1 thing -- Lynn Road, it is -- without a doubt (Shalom, you get your wish for an easy-to-spell address. Ha!).
We've put in an offer for it yesterday. All we can do right now is wait wait wait, and nibble at our fingernails while at it. Is it gonna be a Deal or No Deal?
Do you ever feel friendships are like taking a ride on an elevator? We go in, we come out. Some journeys are long, others short. Some of us journey together, some alight first, some linger. Some choose not to get on. Sometimes, we even find ourselves travelling alone... There are times we go up, then other times we head down. When there are glitches we instinctively (?) hit the 'alarm' button. And all the while, we have choices.
I've been thinking about the phrase 'people come, people go' alot lately.
Perhaps it's the recent slew of departures that's made me ponder about the transcient nature of friendships both here, and in SGP.
Us with Reubs on his last day in London (2 June)
Chor chan (ex-SONY), during her 1 week stay with us
I know I've been rather quiet about our househunts lately. That's because quite frankly, there wasn't much to report.
To date, I've viewed 17 units. Some were downright deplorable, others were 'dream' homes with hefty pricetags we couldn't afford.
After sifting through the cans and cannots, our final decision lies with these 2 houses: Gaskarth Road & Lynn Road.
Located 1 and 2 streets from where we are now, these 2 properties have ticked more boxes on our checklist than any other - situated within a comfortable distance to the Tube, a stone's throw to Danielle's school, close to everything we're familiar with; and best of all, we can afford the rent.
I'll put up more photos of the Gaskarth unit later. Then perhaps y'all can be our 'guest judges' and help us decide on the champ house? :)
After months under wraps, Londoners are gleefully exchanging their winter frocks for skimpy, summery togs.
Everyone's in a bouyant mood now that the Sun is out. And my oh my, do they love their Sun!
The usually olive-green commons are aburst with colour - women in bright bikini-tops; blokes in vibrant low-slung beach shorts. Cheeky...
They sit there all day, basking under the sun and slathering on their sun-screen. You'd think you're by the beach if not for the overhanging oak trees that act as eaves for the 'lobster-pink' sun-bathers.
As for me? I'm loving the Sun too. There's nothing like a healthy dose of Vitamin D to lift those spirits! :)
* I'm so loving the fact that I can wear shorts around the house now! Yippee!
